Now, let me explain this precisely...
'Twas on the Monday morning, Pope Francis came to call. He said a lot of clever things I didn't get at all. It seems, when he explains the faith, Things aren't always made clear, So I went to phone the Tablet up - a rag we all revere. CHORUS: Oh, it all makes work, For the holy man to do!
Now what Pope Francis meant to say was...
'Twas on the Tuesday morning, Ma Pepinster dropped in, She told me that the Pope had scrapped the old ideas of sin. "Abortion is OK now, Same-sex marriage too," she said. [said she.] But this didn't seem too likely So I e-mailed Father Zed. [Zee.] CHORUS: Oh, it all makes work, For the holy man to do!
What did the Pope really say?
'Twas on the Wednesday morning, Father Z came in pursuit, He sold me lots of coffee And he taught me how to shoot. He told me things were much the same As they had been before, But the day after his visit I found Dawkins at my door. CHORUS: Oh, it all makes work, For the holy man to do!
You want me to walk on THAT?
'Twas on the Thursday morning, That Dawkins rang the bell: Once he'd got across the threshold, Not so easy to expel. He said, "God's a delusion And the Catholics are vile," So I had to call a bishop in, To say something worthwhile! CHORUS: Oh, it all makes work, For the holy man to do!
This is not usually the way to welcome a bishop.
'Twas on the Friday morning, The bishop took his turn. He said "For abstract doctrine, I have really no concern. Just do what seems all right to you, And not what you've been taught." It sounds great, but I wanted To be sure what the Pope thought. CHORUS: Oh, it all makes work, For the holy man to do! On Saturdays and Sundays, They're busy down in Rome, So 'twas on the Monday morning, That the Pope came to my home!
The scansion, as in the original, is irregular, but it works OK if sung.