This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 15 May 2021

The Roman Church breaks away

A guest post from the German bishops, with additional material from Fr James Martin LGBTSJ, Cardinal Cupich, etc.

We are deeply sorry that a small Roman sect has decided to split off from the universal German Catholic Church by refusing to bless same-sex relationships, to ordain women, or to support abortion. From now on we can only regard Pope Francis, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, and those backing them as schismatics, Protestants, and general Schweinehunden. In the words of St John of Lennon's Hymn "Imagine", which we sang when we blessed some happy couples this week:
Imagine there's no Heaven:
It's easy if you try.
Hell sounds much nicer:
We're off there when we die.
Biden doing a mock marriage

Fr Joe of the German Catholic Church says "I now pronounce you Thing and Thing."

In the middle ages, the Spanish Inquisition was a byword for brutality, but you ain't seen nothing yet, Francis! The German Inquisition will be much more savage. Already our top agent, Cardinal Kasper, is in Rome and preparing to act. Admittedly he is 96 and talks to trees, but that doesn't stop him striking terror into the hearts of Roman schismatics!

Time for some more "Imagine":
Imagine sin's abolished,
It isn't hard to do:
Nothing to repent of
And no redemption too.
You Roman Catholics may be proud of your Marty Haugens, Dan Schuttes, and Graham Kendricks, but we have John Lennon on our side, so be very afraid!
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can.
Of course we need our Church Tax
So keep on paying, man!
Pope Francis and President of Argentina

A worried Pope Francis gets advice on Peronist dictatorship from the President of Argentina (or vice versa).


  1. Achtung! If everybody does vat zey are told, nobody vill get hurt.

  2. I attach a new version of the song Imagine, sung by Father Francis Maple. I hope you like it.

    God bless.

  3. Imagine no more taxes-
    don't think I can!
    Nothing to kill- 'cept babies
    the brotherhood of Mamm(on)

  4. Your name vill also go on de list - vot is it?
    Don't tell him, Eccles!

  5. Selon de Lapin, only de Lapin is savd, and I is not savd.

    Who is I to juj ?