Saturday, 26 August 2017

Do atheists make the best Christians?

On this blog we have long been admirers of Cardinal Blase Cupich, as he exemplifies one important principle:

You don't need to have intelligence, faith or theological insight to rise to the position of Prince of the Church (and possibly even Pope - wouldn't that be fun?)

So we were impressed by his recent statement that some of the best Christians are atheists:

Cupich atheists

As is usual in Vatican circles these days, rejecting Christ's teaching is the way to advancement. Clearly we should bin Matthew 33:37-38.

Jesus said to him: Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with thy whole heart, and with thy whole soul, and with thy whole mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment.

However, in Cupichianity, Love means never having to say "I believe you exist"; so we can skip this commandment (greatest and first? Ha!) and go straight onto the second about loving your neighbour - perhaps calling him a "witless worm", or a "neurotic", or even a "self-absorbed Promethean neo-Pelagian", depending on your personal taste.

Cupich and glasses

"I can see lots of great Christians with my new glasses!"

Anyway, it's a great relief to us all that you can go straight to Heaven - which doesn't exist of course - by being "good" and "conducting yourself well". Perhaps by working for three hours a week for charity? Choose a modern charity such the British Pregnancy Advisory Service - or Planned Parenthood if you are in the States.

In other news, Professor Massimo Faggioli has written a fascinating article for the Catholic Herald explaining that he identifies as an ice-cream salesman.

Accordingly, we are pleased to show you an exclusive photo of Professor Faggioli selling some theology to Cardinal Marx.

Chico and Groucho

"Now to understand Amoris Laetitia you need the code book, the breeder's guide, and some Vatican II documents..."


  1. Look through virtual reality glasses and count all the Christians!

  2. Pope Francis in 2016: Most Catholic marriages are invalid, some 'cohabitations' are 'real Marriage'. -

  3. Gelato Catholic? The church of Whatever.....

  4. I get down on my knees every morning and thank God that my belief system isn't "articulated in a faith context" like that of Mister Cupich.

  5. I once watched a male cardinal at my birdfeeder take seeds in his beak and feed them to his mate. They have no faith system, but I thought "there's a goodness there." I doubt they were Christian cardinals.

    1. I'm beginning to believe that most Cardinals AREN'T Christians!

    2. You'll recognize their call as a high-pitched, harsh hoMO,hoMO, followed by a rapid koKAYNE, koKAYNE koKAYNE.

  6. Probably, Cardinal Cupich knows more about Atheists than he does about Catholics.

  7. Now, Cardinal Cupich, we need to 'evangelize' these faithless good people to actually convert them to the truth in Jesus Christ in the Catholic Church and they would be good to go, you FORGOT that part.. .......oh but wait! I guess their Godless goodness is all they need to get to Heaven, silly me, I forgot about the new Francis Theology that he will most likely be declaring 'magisterial' any day now.

  8. It's so nice being led by people who hate Catholics.

  9. Very many years ago, when I was about as old as some of you are now, I went mountain climbing in Scotland with a friend of mine. And there was this mountain, you see, and we decided to climb it. All day we climbed—up and up and up — higher and higher and higher — until the valley lay very small below us, and the mists of the evening began to come down, and the sun to set. And when we reached the summit, we sat down to watch this magnificent sight of the sun going down behind the mountains. And as we watched, my friend, very suddenly, and violently, vomited.