Vatican welcomes Olympics opening ceremony

Last week's Olympics opening ceremony has been greeted warmly by Vatican staff and their friends. For any readers who were on another planet at the time, the highlight was a re-enactment of the Last Supper, in which a charming young lady called Miss Piggy (memo: check name) played the part of Jesus.

A spiritually nourishing scene.

Said Austen Ivereigh, author of "Pope Francis - the new Messiah?", top synodalist, and part-time kenotic decenterer, "Just as Pachamama was a representation of the Blessed Virgin Mary, we see the Olympic scene as a faithful representation of the Last Supper, produced by devout Catholics. My only criticism is that there were no Rupnik murals decorating it."

Archbishop Vincenzo Paglia, president of the Pontifical Academy for Lust, said, "Well of course I have to say I'm condemning it, but after all, everyone, absolutely everyone, wants to sit at the table where Jesus gives his life for all and teaches love." Make of that what you will.

Other highlights of the Olympic opening ceremony included a mocking of the martyrdom of Marie Antoinette who - do we have to keep saying this? - NEVER said "Let them eat cake" (or even "brioches"). For reasons that some of us have never understood, the French like celebrating The Reign of Terror (and they even sing a disgusting song about filling ditches with blood).

Saint Denis is not amused either.

And what of "Pontifex" Francis himself? Well, his Twitter message was "The authentic Olympic and Paralympic spirit is an antidote against the tragedy of war and a way to put an end to violence. May sport build bridges, break down barriers, and foster peaceful relations." As Joe Biden puts it, "And they call ME clueless?"

Which brings us to Fr James Martin, who is of course the leading Catholic bridge-builder, and also a sports fan. "Why is there no Ignatian Yoga event at the Olympics?" he moaned. "We Jesuits could really clean up here."

And now the punch line...

Finally, Paris produced a worthy opening ceremony, as the Sacré-Coeur Basilica remained illuminated, while the neighbouring buildings were plunged into darkness. Sometimes, God shows His sense of humour.

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According to this lookalike, the opening ceremony was intended to be synodal.