Monday, 9 July 2012

Spiritual experiences

We report today from the General Synod of the Church of England, where the Bishop of Bath and Wells, the Rt Rev. Peter Price, has announced that rioting can be, literally, an ecstatic spiritual experience.

Spiritual monk

A monk obtaining spiritual nourishment

His thesis was taken up by the Bishop of Dartmoor, who encouraged young people seeking spiritual nourishment to try mugging people in the street. Said the bishop, "In this day and age, the Anglican church doesn't seek spirituality through prayer and fasting, let alone the Mass. Young people become closer to God when they see the possibility of grabbing someone's handbag and spending the proceeds on drugs."

mugger

It is better to receive than to give

The Bishop of Parkhurst added a new dimension to the debate. "Young people in my diocese tell me that what they are really after is the opportunity of robbing banks. These days, banks and bankers are rightly regarded as the lowest of the low. If Jesus were here now, can one doubt that he would have led his disciples in a daring raid on the Bank of Jordan?"

Jordan's Bank

At Jordan's Bank the burglar alarm announces that the Lord is nigh

Deep theological insight was also provided by the Bishop of Pentonville, who argued that in this day and age, murder could hardly be regarded as a sin, more as a way for frustrated teenagers to express themselves. "Do unto others before they do it unto you, Jesus always said," commented the bishop. "We must not deprive our youngsters of the opportunities for violence that we had when we were young."

Spiritual reading

Church of England approved spiritual reading

Winding up the debate, the Archbishop of Canterbury commented that, on the one hand theft and murder were traditionally regarded as sins, but on the other hand it was hardly meaningful to talk of Good and Evil in the 21st century. In a very real sense he welcomed this opportunity for a constructive dialogue.

Rowan appeals

Would the Bishop who stole my wallet please own up now?

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9 comments:

  1. FrereRabit9 July 2012 at 15:10

    This blogpost might simply appear funny, and it certainly is, but there is a chilling truth in here. I was astonished to hear the Reverend Giles Fraser on last Friday's "Any Questions?" programme. You can hear his words on the Radio 4 website. He said, "I hate that saying from the Bible, 'The poor will be always with you'."

    He hates the words of Jesus?

    We might have a laugh at the CofE's expense, but seriously, where the hell are they heading?

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    Replies
    1. Jessica Hoff9 July 2012 at 15:22

      I am afraid it took me until I got to Mr. Rabit's comment to realise that this was satire. Are you sure it is darling eccles?

      Delete
    2. Anonymous9 July 2012 at 15:51

      Um, as a saved pusson I is a bit confussed here. Why is I tryin to provide spiritaul nuorishment for poeple if dey can get it more easily by setting fire to dere neighbuor's car?

      Delete
    3. Jessica Hoff9 July 2012 at 18:13

      I think you should be the next Archbish of Canterbury, darling eccles. You is saved pusson, and they clearly needs one if that is what they thinks.

      Delete
  2. Mystic Mouse9 July 2012 at 19:04

    I've heard that the popular mysticism book "One Minute Wisdom" is to be renamed

    "Gone in 60 seconds"

    ReplyDelete
  3. jadis9 July 2012 at 22:42

    At last the C of E sees sense. Many years ago one of their rather tiresome members (let's call him Clive) wrote a series of calumnies detractions and rash judgments about a situation involving the liberation of some jewellery, a borrowed hansom cab, and a spot of criminal damage I did to a policeman with a gas lamp.

    Now Clive would get a good ticking off from the Bish, and be forced to adopt the calm and spiritual attitude of my friend, Mrs Patrick Campbell, who leant out of her bedroom window, in her wrapper and curling papers, and said "Jadis - I don't mind what you get up to, but please don't do it in the street and frighten the cab horses". A truly tolerant Christian woman. I immediately took her advice and bogged off ia the Wood between the Worlds, to Narnia - and the rest is history.

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  4. dancingcrane9 July 2012 at 23:21

    When I came back to the CoE after some time as an atheist , I saw how bad it was, and that was 1979. I didn't know any Catholics and I certainly didn't want to be one. I wanted to stay, and couldn't. The Hierarchy that gave the Church to Henry VIII, is now peddling it to all comers like damaged goods. I will not cease praying for those good Christians caught in this.

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    Replies
    1. dancingcrane9 July 2012 at 23:23

      And yes, I did swim the Tiber in 1980. Thank you John Henry Newman and the Fathers of the Church.

      Delete
  5. Jessica Hoff11 July 2012 at 20:05

    Darling Eccles, thank you so much for the twitting - that is v kind, even for a saved pusson xxx Jess

    ReplyDelete