Genuine book reviews

These book reviews of Eccles's new book How to be a saved pusson were written by the people indicated, and no sockpuppets were used. Honest.

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Job

1. And the Lord spake unto Job, saying, "Job, my good servant, thou hast suffered many tribulations. Here is a wondrous book by Eccles, that thou mayest read. Hopefully it will comfort thee in thy woe."

2. And Job took the book and said unto himself "Lo! It is a jolly good read. I shall tell all my friends in the Old Testament, that they may also profit from it."

3. But, as he was reading the wise words of Eccles, an angel knocked at the door, and caused Job to drop the book. It fell out of his hands and landed on his toe.

4. And the toe of Job swelled up, and caused unto him grievous pain. Yeah, it was ready to fall off completely.

5. And Job cursed, saying, "It goeth to be one of those days again, doth it not?"

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Dr Samuel Johnson

I [Boswell] shewed unto Dr Johnson a new book that had arrived that very day, penned by the hand of one Eccles. "I know not the writer," said the Doctor. "Read me some of his words."

I read to him the passage in which Eccles told the story of his Australian aunt, she who had complained about possums knocking over a pile of tin cans in her garden.

"This Eccles is indeed a wise writer," said the Doctor. "He sayeth non possum, while his aunt says possum. But she sayeth I can while her very cans are disordered."

We all laughed merrily at the doctor's brilliant remarks, and I undertook to publish them on my blog.

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St John the Evangelist

1. And this is the testimony of Eccles, when the Jews sent from Jerusalem priests and Levites to him, to ask him: Who art thou?

2. And he confessed, and did not deny: and he confessed: I am not the Christ.

3.And they asked him: What then? Art thou Damian Thompson? And he said: I am not. Art thou Pope Benedict? And he answered: No.

4. They said therefore unto him: Who art thou, that we may give an answer to them that sent us? What sayest thou of thyself?

5. He said: I am the voice of a saved person blogging in the wilderness. And all who read my blog shall be slightly saved too.

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William Shakespeare

From This one's a waste of time as well

KING: Tell me, fool, of what manner is this book of Eccles?

FOOL: Sire, it like unto the apple tree that grew in the Garden of Eden. For it contains all the knowledge of good and evil. Then again, it seemeth to me to resemble the golden hippopotamus of legend, that which floated on the breezes of the Hesperides and which led Orlando to destruction in the Pass of Roncesvalles.

KING: Which legend is that, fool? I know it not.

FOOL: Me neither, Sire, I was just testing thee. Still, 'tis an excellent goodly book, and containeth great wisdom.