Thursday, 7 February 2013

The Westminster Heresy Lectures

Vin and Tablet

Arranged by Vincent Nichols in conjunction with the Tablet.

To mark Lent, the Archdiocese of Westminster has organized a strong programme of public lectures exploring heresy in all its aspects. Here are some of the forthcoming attractions.

Tina Beattie shirt

Tina Beattie shirts are now on sale.

To kick off, Professor Tina Beattie will be explaining the heresies of modernism. We look forward to hearing her views on the doctrine on same-sex marriage, as explained in that beautiful passage from Matthew 19 in the Roehampton Bible.

Have ye not read, that He who made man from the beginning, made them male and male, and female and female, and sometimes a bit of both? For this cause shall a man leave father and father's boyfriend, and shall cleave to another man, and they two shall be in one flesh.

Nasty book

One of the sacred texts we shall study in Lent.

As an encore she will read from her wonderful book God's Mother, Eve's Advocate, where the Mass is likened to an orgasmic celebration of homosexual love.

Says Tina: "One of my favourite ploys is to announce that I am giving a lecture about the Blessed Virgin Mary. After that, I can say what I like!" A Tablet spokesman said, "If Mary is God's Mother, then surely Tina is God's slightly eccentric Auntie!"

Alain de Bottom

Alain de Bottom (L, with ass's head).

Also coming to Westminster is celebrity intellectual Alain de Bottom, "The man with the ass's head," who will be providing spiritual nourishment from his new book Religion for Atheists. In particular he will be talking about his Ten Commandments for Atheists.

Says Alain: "If I had to design a list of 10 virtues that could apply today, I might go for the following:

Smugness, Banality, Self-centredness, Pretentiousness, Emeticality, Pseudo-intellectualism, Moral blindness, Fluffy niceness, Apparent omniscience, and Pomposity."

Proust

Marcel Proust, author of Comment Alain de Botton peut changer votre vie.

However, Damian Thompson, a well-known expert on custard who occasionally dabbles in Catholic journalism, expressed a dissenting viewpoint: "Frankly, I can't take Alain seriously, as he is going very bald."

Chris Bryant MP

Chris Bryant MP (with offensive parts redacted).

Fresh from the same-sex "marriage" debate in the House of Commons, we have Chris Bryant MP, star of a "gay-dating" website, who will speak on What is truth?

Says Chris, "I want to get away from old-fashioned notions of truth and falsehood. As I said to Edward Leigh in the House of Commons, the assurances that I made a few years ago no longer apply because I believe that the world has moved on."

George Washington

Father, don't blame me: that cherry tree came down because the world has moved on.

Says Vincent Nichols, "I am hoping that by inviting so many experts to challenge Catholic doctrine I shall become more well-known in Rome, and - who knows? - I may finally get that elusive red hat."

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45 comments:

  1. Jessica Hoff7 February 2013 at 10:56

    darling eccles - it seems as though Tina may actually be a sock puppet of your anti moly - does Bosco know? xx Jess

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7 February 2013 at 11:56

      I dunno, Jess. But now you dat Bosco is occupyin a cell in your watchtower, you can ask him youself.

      Delete
    2. Jessica Hoff7 February 2013 at 12:47

      When he's stopped doing 70 years of denial I will - do you like my new picture :) xx Jess

      Delete
    3. Anonymous7 February 2013 at 22:16

      The Rabit and Jadis Show - keep it social.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous8 February 2013 at 00:00

      The Beattie lecture that was cancelled in Bristol will now take place in the Diocese of Westminster. Thanks for the publicity.

      Delete
    5. JabbaPapa8 February 2013 at 09:50

      Does anyone no a good cur for de multiple (savd) pussonality disodder ???

      Dis pusson "phil" is sufferrin from de condishun.

      Delete
    6. Jessica Hoff8 February 2013 at 20:32

      Phil is suffering from a surfeit of socks, and the lack of a word which in RP English rhymes with it xx Jess

      Delete
    7. jadis9 February 2013 at 08:53

      Indeed, Jessica. Phil, when putting his oar in, talks something which in RP English, rhymes with rowlocks.

      Delete
    8. Jessica Hoff10 February 2013 at 13:20

      Judging by his later comments, we'd better not ask where he puts the oar in xx Jess

      Delete
  2. Richard Collins7 February 2013 at 10:57

    Must book a seat....hang on though.......I'm on car valeting duties that evening. Chiz!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lisa Graas7 February 2013 at 12:51

    The only truth the progressive holds to is that promises are made to be broken.

    ReplyDelete
  4. krunk dog7 February 2013 at 17:46

    ...Boo-yaa homies!! krunk dog illin..dis blog be tight...haha when youse said heresy i thought u mention the ole Henny..my boyz be hizzlin-off about Hennessey..my bad..i suppose i ain't sav'd yet like youse..i don't bump wit the code...wordup...anyway i digs george washington he's B-side Obama fo shizzle..done got his script n pic on all the scrillah...your post is so swoll wit truth ise geeked ta gettin sav'd..just gots ta get my life up north YADIDIMEAN??...well eccles youse a bro who stays sick lock it down ya hear..pleez keep prayin fo me i need to dust of dirt cuzzes its tricky to rock n roll dig???? well peace out ...TESTIFY!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jessica Hoff7 February 2013 at 17:58

      Mr Dog, is you feelin' quite OK? xx Jess

      Delete
    2. Tancred7 February 2013 at 18:49

      LOL

      Delete
    3. st bosco7 February 2013 at 20:21

      dog is more than likely lapin. I got $10 on it

      Delete
    4. jadis7 February 2013 at 23:41

      Bosco, if there are any Romanian scrap dealers around California, grow your hair.

      Delete
  5. Anonymous7 February 2013 at 21:04

    I was tryun to go to the Tablet on gaggle and it sayz Did you mean Tabloot? Then it sayz Did you mean Tableet? Then Did you mean TabButt? On an On. Then it sayz I Don't think you Wanna go There. So I came ober here instead.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous7 February 2013 at 22:42

    Eccles, when Mr.Bryant goes for a shower he's goin to be mad when he sees you redacted his parts.

    ReplyDelete
  7. FrereRabit7 February 2013 at 23:56

    Dear Sir,

    Once again I find it necessary to complain on moral grounds about your picture of a donkey in a grossly amorous engagement with a pretty lady. Not only is this an encouragement to those seeking to enshrine "equal marriage" but it is also a temptation to those attracted to donkeys. And this looks like a particularly flirty one.

    If this kind of filth continues I will have to cancel my online subscription to the Daily Telegraph and seek assinine addiction counselling.

    Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells

    ReplyDelete
  8. Brother Burrito7 February 2013 at 23:59

    Never mind the heresy, what about the horsey!

    "A horse, a horse, findus a horse, quick. Lummy"

    (Shakespeare's first draft).

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous8 February 2013 at 00:04

    The Beattie lecture on Lumen Gentium will now take place in the Diocese of Westminster.
    It's an ill wind...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brother Burrito8 February 2013 at 00:14

      ...that results from poorly digested theology?

      Delete
  10. Brother Burrito8 February 2013 at 00:05

    It's an equinable life, Henry.

    In all fairness, when it says "100% beef", it means that the beef component is 100% beef.

    No lies have been told.

    ReplyDelete
  11. krunk dog8 February 2013 at 00:11

    ...Booyaakasha catho-homies...jiggawhat?..krunk dog dont gamble he straight game...aint no buggin 360 roflcopter geezer neetha...Word up!!!...i be illin grievin da world...down below i suffered..i knows wrung from right..aight???...ise out ta murk dat ole debil like youse spiritual cuzzes...cept i aint been saved and needs prawyers..peace out..RESPECT !!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brother Burrito8 February 2013 at 00:22

      Hi phil.

      Delete
    2. Unknown8 February 2013 at 12:27

      Nope. Not me.

      Delete
    3. Jessica Hoff8 February 2013 at 20:34

      How do you know? You don't know who you are windywendy daryl (really, why not Wayne?)

      Delete
    4. st bosco8 February 2013 at 21:13

      Good heavens, another puppet. Say sister Jess, what about Wayne?

      Delete
  12. krunk dog8 February 2013 at 00:38

    ...Whodis phil??...i aint no lapin..das french fer rabbit..ise pure dog..crackalackin wit street cred...i jus dig dis blog my homie johnboy hooked me up..ise lookin fer God's'grease so's'i kin get ta heaven..slide in easy wit God's'grease..Word Up!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. st bosco8 February 2013 at 21:15

      This is not one of your better puppets lapin

      Delete
  13. Anonymous8 February 2013 at 03:51

    I has changed de settins so dat anomynous comments aint allowed now. Dis will reduce spamm. E-mail me at bruvvereccles-at-gmail.com if you is havin probblems.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. FrereRabit8 February 2013 at 11:39

      Yes, I am having problems. None of the spam I sent you has appeared. I will send you an email.

      Delete
  14. Unknown8 February 2013 at 16:11

    FrereRabit
    Why is the Eccles and Bosco site banned on the Daily Telegraph blogs and any publicity immediately deleted? You are familiar with the personnel involved. Could you explain to the clerics who occasionally visit why any name connected with this blog is blocked.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JabbaPapa8 February 2013 at 17:22

      Hallo phil138 !!!

      Have you sorted out your multiple personality disorder yet ?

      When are you going to stop your moronic trolling ?

      Delete
    2. jadis8 February 2013 at 19:06

      When Elaine pulls the plug on him.

      Delete
    3. FrereRabit8 February 2013 at 19:17

      Is Elaine his carer? Does she know where the sockpuppets are buried? Can she be bribed to let me in and give him a good f***ing kicking for the nasty personal stuff he has peddled for too long?

      Just one clue, that's all I need. Keep your head down, Phil b***tard.

      Delete
    4. st bosco8 February 2013 at 21:18

      because its a stepping stone to me. The catholic clerics want to keep their jobs and the perks that go with it. My site will put them out on the street, where they belong. Cardinal mahoney is getting his come uppins here in los angeles, shuffeling around his buddy boys. its what they all do. he just got caught.

      Delete
  15. FrereRabit8 February 2013 at 19:13

    Powerful stuff. (Not.)

    ReplyDelete
  16. st bosco9 February 2013 at 02:01

    say eccles, why you take off my post. i dont take off post at my none but the brave site. You chicken thief

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9 February 2013 at 02:24

      Gotta keep it clean, Bosco. Dat's what saved pussons does.

      Delete
  17. krunk dog9 February 2013 at 02:47

    ...Brrriing briing...hoodis????catho-homies..why u be runnin off fake jacks dat way...like beam me up scotty i dont see no prawyers..whats wit all da accusin ..i aint sav'd'yet so i guess'n'i dont gets it...chang a lang ..peace out..

    ReplyDelete
  18. st bosco9 February 2013 at 05:01

    Jabba, i mean eccles, in a room full of idiots, you would be considered an idiot. Yes, i busted you Jabba the hut.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. jadis9 February 2013 at 09:15

      So you are saying that only a roomful of idiots would consider Jabba to be an idiot? I concur, and assume you were present at the time to record the fact.

      Delete
    2. st bosco9 February 2013 at 17:59

      I was the seargent at arms.So Jadis, how the witch business treating you?Has your master Satan given you any promotions lately? He should, youre doing such good work for him.

      Delete