At the drop of a biretta

With apologies to the original Flanders and Swann song Transport of Delight.

Some people like a Latin Mass: they say, "Credo for me!"
Or for bonny Agnus Dei, they'd lay them down and dee.
Such means of praise and worship do seem old and rather crass,
To the priest...
... yes, and the deacon...
... in a very modern Mass!
   
Sing Alleluia! Ch-ch!
Sing Alleluia! Ch-ch! 
   
When you are sitting in our church, the coolest place in town,
You'll see the priest processing in, dressed as a jolly clown.
He greets the congregation with "Hey folks! This is a gas!"
In a swinging sixties, Novus Ordo, 
Liberal and progressive modern Mass.

The Gospel reading

We start off with some dancing girls, for in our litur-gy
We take out all the holy bits and shout "Hey! Look at me!"
So let's have wild cavorting now from every lad and lass
In an all-inclusive, Tablet-sponsored, swinging sixties, 
Novus Ordo, liberal and progressive modern Mass.
   
This is a transport of delight. 
Of delight!
Walk in delight! Walk in delight!
This is a transport of delight. 
Walk in delight!
Walk walk walk walk walk in delight!

... your right arm in, and shake it all about...

We now bring on our puppet friends, to help us with our prayer:
For who can say that Mass is not improved by Fozzie Bear?
Those nasty traddy Catholics were faced with an impasse! 
The priest is putting on a show,
The deacon is Pinocchio
In the all-inclusive, 
Tablet-sponsored, 
Swinging sixties, Novus Ordo, 
Liberal and progressive modern Mass.

A solemn moment in our devotions.

We don't have moral standards now - that really is too tame!
Since Vatican the Second, things just haven't been the same.
We praise gay rights, abortion, women priests, divorce - 
   it's clear
That Jesus, Peter and St Paul had simply no idea!
Our secular religion they may say is a "morass".
We don't believe in Heaven or Hell,
And really, that is just as well,
For the priest is putting on a show,
The deacon is Pinocchio
In the all-inclusive, 
Tablet-sponsored, 
Swinging sixties, Novus Ordo, 
Liberal and progressive,
Liberal and progressive modern Mass!
   
Sing Alleluia! 
Ch-ch!