Tuesday, 8 September 2015

Pope Francis annuls all marriages

As a special gesture to celebrate the Year of Mercy, Pope Francis has declared that all marriages contracted by Catholics are now null and void. Fed up with handling numerous claims for annulment, the Holy Father has in characteristic style cut all the red tape and granted freedom to all previously-married couples.

A happy couple celebrate the Pope's decision.

As a special bargain offer, those couples who did not really want an annulment (believed to be a small minority) will be allowed to remarry free of charge.

Said one unhappy husband, Fred Cheese, "We've been together now for 40 years, and it don't seem a day too much. There ain't a lady livin' in the land as I'd swop for my dear old Dutch." However, his wife, Dutch Cheese, replied "Er, don't count your chickens, Fred. If we remarry you can start doing the cleaning, for a start."

It is not clear where this leaves the General Synod on the Family, as, from now on, there aren't any families. Once again the Pope has solved a knotty problem in his own unique style.

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7 comments:

  1. Sadie Vacantist9 September 2015 at 15:22

    This is not as satirical as you might think but a sensible 'pastoral' approach. My own view is that this is probably the best option i.e. refuse to recognise all marriages unless requested to do so by the contracting couples. Secondly, prevent anyone taking communion unless the person is gravely ill or dying or handicapped. They could then scrap the synod as you imply at the end.

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  2. Zephyrinus9 September 2015 at 20:45

    And get rid of all the pews.

    That way, there will be a new cause celebre to excite the passions of millions of Bloggee Commenters and Letter-Writers to Bishops.

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  3. M. Prodigal10 September 2015 at 01:10

    "There are not any families": that seems to be the way the demonic wants it and the secular world and even the Church seem to be embracing the idea.

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  4. Scelata10 September 2015 at 18:18

    I was worried that I had already incurred an anullment latae sententiae back when Cdl Kasper gave that Commonweal interview.
    Oh, well.......
    (Save the Liturgy, Save the World)

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  5. Jacobi10 September 2015 at 21:49

    Oh, good. Herself can be a bit annoying at times. Always fancied a bird about ten years younger. Anyone know a nice 68 year old? Female now!

    And bother remarriage. I'm not a fanatic you know!

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  6. Frederick Jones11 September 2015 at 16:07

    Would Henry VIII have welcomed this Pope's action?

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  7. Gatepost productions11 September 2015 at 21:03

    Where does this leave superglue? If any man knows, let him speak now or forever hold the pieces.

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