Wednesday, 21 October 2015

ISIS withdraws offer to merge with Amnesty

It was reported exactly a year ago that ISIS (IS, ISIL, Daesh, Satanic State, or whatever you want to call them) had been so impressed by Amnesty International's campaign for killing the weak and helpless that it had proposed a merger. However, following the release of Amnesty's latest video nasty starring Liam Neeson - himself, ironically an actor known for playing Aslan, the Jedi master Qui-Gon Jinn and, er, Jesus Christ in Pilgrim's Progress - the deal has been declared "off" by ISIS's spokesman B. El-Zeebub.

ISIS/Amnesty logo

The proposed AmnISIS logo - now unlikely to be used

"Don't get me wrong, we approve of a lot that Amnesty do," said Mr El-Zebub. "When it comes to slaughtering people, we are mere novices compared with the abortion industry. We did think of offering a merger to Planned Parenthood a few months ago, but when the accountants came to look at our books, they realized we were not competitive in the modern cut and thrust world of selling body parts, and they simply wouldn't accept our business model."

"Merging with Amnesty," he continued, "would have enabled us to register as a charity, and receive donations from the non-Muslim community. We could have opened up clinics in city centres, and invited people to 'plan their families' by dismembering the less popular members. But the deal is off the table now."

Qui-Gon Jinn

Liam Neeson demonstrates a device for slaughtering unwanted family members.

So what went wrong with this "marriage made in Hell"? Apparently, ISIS were overwhelmed by the anti-Christian tone of Amnesty's video nasty. As El-Zebub explained, "We thought nobody disliked Christians more than we do, but Liam Neeson has opened our eyes to what true anti-religious bigotry looks like, and - humbly - we just don't feel we can compete. Everyone to their own, and we'll just go back to cutting heads off in the traditional Islamic way. We'll leave the real nastiness to the experts at Amnesty."

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5 comments:

  1. Lynda21 October 2015 at 13:36

    ISIS and Amnesty have the same masters.

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  2. Susan Matthiesen21 October 2015 at 19:08

    That's right. El-Zebub lied when he said that PP wouldn't accept his business model. Am sure PP would love to share in the profits of what El-Zebub is doing over there. Also, brilliant logo!

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  3. Gatepost productions21 October 2015 at 20:57

    To be honest, I lost all faith in El-Zebub for the havoc he brought to 'The Magic Roundabout". Similarly with Bin Liner ans the Ikea Network IsuIs or ISuAin't terrorists? I asked

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  4. Blotto21 October 2015 at 23:23

    I'm 110% in favour of Barbaric State's courageous decision to call off their proposed merger with Travesty (of humanity) International.

    I think what mainly deterred them was the fact that whereas they were quite open about pursuing their bloodlust, their putative partners in crime at Amnasty Multinational insisted on continuing to pretend that they are concerned about human rights.

    It just goes to show that you can have such a sensitive and highly evolved conscience that you're capable of agonising over events in Tibet one minute and Paraguay the next (before returning to Tibet again all in the same day) but if you can't even recognise a fellow human being, then the resulting credibility gap is just a bit too far to bridge. In fact, it could even be said to have infinite dimensions.

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  5. Mary K23 October 2015 at 05:57

    AAAGGHHH! I'll never be able to listen to Neeson's voice again. It makes me feel like tossing my dinner! What a sellout!! What a cretin!! To use his little bit of fame to push for the murder of babies. Work must be slim in his part of the world at the moment. Of course, PP could afford his help because they'd made a bundle on baby body parts. How proud they must all be, they and their (living) family members. It makes me embarrassed of my recent family roots....

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