Sunday, 16 October 2016

Martin Luther to be canonized

As part of the celebrations of the Reformation, and to mark his excellent relations with the Lutherans - "After all, they're far more Catholic than the German cardinals Kasper, Marx, and their cronies" - Pope Francis has agreed to canonize Martin Luther himself.

Pope Francis and chocolate Luther

The Choco-Luther (© Fr Ray Blake). Hard for some Catholics to swallow.

In addition to the Luther statue, which Pope Francis will put in a position of honour next to his personal statue of Hans Küng, the Holy Father has been given a copy of the 95 theses of Luther. Fortunately they do not criticise Amoris Laetitia directly - since to do that is nowadays the only sin recognized by the Vatican. They do claim that the Pope is the Anti-Christ, but then so do some traditional Catholic bloggers.

Pope and 95 theses

"These theses say that the pope is totally confused. How did they know?"

If the canonization of Luther turns out to be a popular move, then there is a queue of other great religious thinkers awaiting their haloes. This includes Buddha, Mohammed, Henry VIII, and Ian Paisley. For we must remember that all people are saved and Hell was closed down as part of the Vatican II reforms. However, the case of G.K. Chesterton will not be considered. Ever.

crackpot religion

Other churches have declared themselves open to dialogue with Pope Francis.

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18 comments:

  1. Susan Matthiesen17 October 2016 at 00:32

    Hell remains in existence and I agree with Dante that one of the deepest rings of Hell is reserved for Mohammed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hans Georg Lundahl17 October 2016 at 09:10

      The Mahometan might be cheering when Bergoglio and Putin get thrown even deeper - alive.

      Delete
  2. Kathleen103117 October 2016 at 00:39

    What will this do to the brand!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Alex A. Biral17 October 2016 at 04:57

    Hey Eccles, I've been reading your blog for some time now. I just wanted to thank you for your humor. I might be wrong here, but I think you add humor to the situations we most need to remember it, so thanks a lot and please keep up the good work!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous19 October 2016 at 18:49

      I totally agree :)

      Delete
    2. Eccles21 October 2016 at 00:45

      Thanks! Of course everything here is totally serious...

      Delete
  4. lazylyn17 October 2016 at 18:44

    Do you mean ' caramelised ' ?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous20 October 2016 at 13:43

    Choco-Luther is actually a Damien Hirst, the first of a themed series portraying the reformers as popular foodstuffs. Next, Calvin becomes a crusty baguette and Zwingli a giant Toblerone.

    ReplyDelete
  6. st bosco21 October 2016 at 00:24

    Catholic Chruch. Bunch of freaks. Yeah, they really love Martin Luther.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Susan Matthiesen22 October 2016 at 02:37

      Bosco, your blog is sick. You need help.

      Delete
    2. Hans Georg Lundahl24 October 2016 at 14:42

      It features Luther?

      Bergoglio could help by cancelling the visit to Sweden?

      Delete
  7. st bosco21 October 2016 at 00:26

    Are you still moderating me, you sick little monkey. What are you scared of.?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eccles21 October 2016 at 00:44

      We muddlerates everyone, dere bruvver, to avoid libbel, spamm and bad langwidge.

      Luckily for you, stupidd comments are allowed.

      Delete
    2. Comfyteor23 October 2016 at 00:08

      But he put a period before the question mark. This is unacceptable.

      Delete
  8. Jacobi21 October 2016 at 08:09

    Well why not Martin. Everyone is being canonised these days. Even my cat has taken to watching His Holiness expectantly on the Telly.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Unknown22 October 2016 at 03:31

    How can you be sure that is chocolate and not Luther sans snow?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Comfyteor23 October 2016 at 00:08

    The statue of Luther was plain, but when the Pope started with his ecumenical talk, it became increasingly red. It was hastily shuttled away when it started glowing, to avoid some China Syndrome.

    Soon after, some scientists who wish to remain anonymous claimed to have discovered a new kind of reactor which gives out free energy. Quite a coincidence.

    ReplyDelete