Monday, 25 December 2017

The Dictator Santa

The scandals surrounding Santa Claus show no signs of ending, and this week children were horrified to see that "Santa's Grotto" in the Rome branch of VaticoTM featured a nude elf. Moreover, there were allegations of corruption at the North Pole, where Maradona the Gnome was rumoured to have had his hand of God in the till.

Did Santa really slap the heretic Fr James Arius SJ?

The public image of Santa Claus is of a perpetually cheerful man, and his recent exhortation Amo Risi Laetitiam ("I like the joy of laughter") contains many cheerful passages such as "Ho ho ho, ho ho ho" (ARL 1) and "I know if you've been bad or good, but if you've been bad don't worry, you'll still get Christmas presents" (ARL 351, Footnote). However, a new book The Dictator Santa suggests that behind his public image there lies a bad-tempered old curmudgeon who torments his reindeer and shouts at his elves.

How did Rudolph's nose get so red? Did Santa punch him?

At this most holy time of Santa Mass, we don't forget that the season has one true meaning - eat and drink too much, buy lots of expensive presents, and have a good time. So it seems churlish to attack the Holy Father Christmas, who symbolises everything that is important about December 25th.

Still, we should warn the faithful that questions are being raised about the leadership provided by the big man, and that something is rotten at the heart of the North Pole. Some say that the man who came down your chimney last night and kicked your cat is not to be trusted.

The College of Cardinals meets to elect a new Santa.

A happy Christmas to both my readers.

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13 comments:

  1. Osusanna25 December 2017 at 17:21

    I was watching for Santa one night. I'd left him a spiritual rosary bouquet. He made a terrible grouchy face. My cat (may she bask in the sunshine of kitty heaven) threw up a hairball on his clodhoppers.
    There's no place like Rome for the holy daze.
    Thank you Eccles for the laughter. Happy Christmas and New Year.

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  2. Susan Matthiesen25 December 2017 at 20:19

    I knew that was a picture of the College of Cardinals because they're all fakes. Thank you, Eccles, for the past year of
    brilliant hilarious posts and saving my sanity. Merry Christmas and Happy 2018.

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  3. Kathleen103126 December 2017 at 00:09

    Merry, Merry Christmas Eccles and to one and all! I must be the surplus reader.

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  4. Liam Ronan26 December 2017 at 01:48

    Happy Christmas, Eccles. God bless you. Your humor makes my day brighter...every day.

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  5. steve brown26 December 2017 at 05:18

    Eccles, I may be catching on. Bosco has a red nose and is a Jesuit which is why he vomits all over the Catholic faith whenever he gets the chance. Since AATW seems to have bitten the dust, can you tell me where he hangs out, just so I won't go there?

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    Replies
    1. Eccles26 December 2017 at 09:17

      I'm not sure where Bosco's got to. Chalcedon is too busy for AATW right now, so I expect Bosco's found someone else to troll.

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  6. Eccles26 December 2017 at 09:18

    Thanks everyone for your comments above. There are more saved persons than I expected.

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  7. Irenaeus26 December 2017 at 13:42

    Hilarious. Thank you. Merry Christmas, Eccles. Hoping you and your loved ones are making the most of this Christmas season.

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  8. Diane26 December 2017 at 16:54

    Merry Christmas, Eccles. Laughter is the best medicine and you are top physician! Many blessings to you for the coming year.

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  9. Mary26 December 2017 at 17:37

    Merry Christmas Eccles, that's for your wit and good humour. God bless you.

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  10. Cressida de Nova27 December 2017 at 13:31

    Merry Christmas Eccles. Thank you for the giggles chortles and guffaws throughout the year.

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  11. Frank (@txtradcatholic)27 December 2017 at 18:21

    Let me add my hearty Christmas wishes to all the others. I so enjoy your posts and tweets! God bless all here.
    -Frank. aka @txtradcatholic

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