An opportunity to chat.
It's very dull coming in to an EF Mass just before the start. You will normally find the church in total silence, with people praying, meditating, who knows what? Come to a jolly NO service, and we have none of that! A steady buzz of conversation - gossip, rumours, quarrels, chat about what people did last week, the shops, ... this is how it would have been like in Biblical times, when Jesus could hardly get a word in edgeways because of chatter about the price of fish, the latest rumours about Judas Iscariot's beach house, and the discomfort of the seats at the Last Supper.
Waiting for the priest to arrive.
The vernacular.
Go to an EF Mass and it's all in Latin, and even if you go a hundred times you will never be able to understand a single word of it. But go to Scotland, to France, to Poland, to Samoa, and you will find that everyone speaks Vernacular, as Vatican II told them to! Don't worry, you'll soon learn the Hungarian for "Lead us not into temptation", or "Let us not fall into temptation", or "Oooh, don't tempt me!" or whatever the Pope would like us to say this week.
No kneeling.
Well, there is some kneeling, but you can usually avoid it. After all, the Pope does. All postures are welcome. In France they stand up and block your view at the Elevation of the Host. In the Vatican they sprawl on cushions sniffing cocaine - well, some of them do. You can stand, sit, kneel, hop around on one leg, wave your hands in the air... drawing attention to yourself as a particularly holy person is very popular (I think it started with the Baptists).
Marty Haugen lets rip.
The hymns.
Oh, Gregorian chant is so boring! It may have meaningful words, dignified music, and a general air of sanctity... but, admit it, wouldn't you rather have "I am the Lord of the Dance," or "Gather us in," or even "Shine, Jesus, Shine" - all good quality sources of spiritual nourishment where the words may be heretical, banal, and boring, but they are at least the sort of songs you can sing when totally blotto (even if you may have difficulty when sober)?
Clowns, puppets, and balloons.
These are not a compulsory part of the Novus Ordo Mass (except in parts of Germany and Austria), but they are certainly a popular feature. When did you last see a priest holding up a Kermit the Frog puppet when giving a general Absolution? I think I've made my point.
We also recommend liturgical dancing.
The Grope of Peace.
The Novus Ordo Mass is so tactile. Cuddle your neighbour, pinch her backside, or - for neighbours you aren't so keen on - give him a hearty kick in the ankle. This week's top score at St Tharg's is 36 Signs of Peace - this took brother Bosco about ten minutes to complete. Admittedly, he's now facing charges of assault, grievous bodily harm, and manslaughter (how was he to know that Sister Dominatrix would have a heart attack?) but it's all Biblical, innit?
The Communion.
Kneeling down and receiving on the tongue are so rigid. Sidle up and grab the Host from the priest. Use the standard Vatican II liturgical response "Thanks, Daddy-o" rather than a silent "Amen". Do not cross yourself. Look! As with all these rituals, just do it whichever way you want. God doesn't expect our reverence, our sincerity, or even - these days - that anyone believes in Him. Ask the Bishop!
Happy new year!
ReplyDeletehttps://imgur.com/a/72gKrFn
Pardon me while I puke!
ReplyDeleteNot really funny and not at all respectful of either our pope, or all the priests who serve the NO order with great reverence and care for the rules, or the millions of faithful catholics who come into God's presence through the NO. But I guess respect for pope, priest, and fellow catholics isn't necessary, so long as one does all the right OUTWARD things
ReplyDeleteGaby, this is satire
Delete!
The millions of Catholics who come to the NO come because they are forced to. They have no alternative since the Mass of ages was forcibly taken from them.
DeleteThere's nothing respectable about the Novus Ordo. The entire point of its creation was to reduce the reverence for God - and to elevation the reverence for man.
DeleteOh, get a grip, will you? Damo B, Paul Hellyer and Lazarus G are all correct.
DeleteThe difference in the amount of kneeling done in the two different rites is indeed considerable. In the EF one sinks to ones knees at the very beginning of Mass (and if incapable of rising there one stays) whereas in the NO we have to wait until the end of the Sanctus. I have always found this discrepancy disconcerting.
ReplyDeleteRegarding the first one I actually saw an interview with a priest on the internet where he was describing his new church which had a pew arrangement in order that people could chat comfortably before Mass.
We also have a designated place where people can chat comfortably before Mass. It's called the street outside.
DeleteSome of us have a choice.I attend the EF Mass but it is probably not an option for most. Maybe N O masses should be boycotted.Arrange for bus loads of people to attend the Latin Mass .Pack the churches out and have queues outside and demonstrations with the laity armed with palm fronds and banners If action is not taken soon our faith as it is meant to be practised will disappear .I'm just wondering if it is sinful to smite dissident clergy with palm fronds. Probably is...maybe not with fern fronds.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm.... You've attend Mass in the diocese of Monterey CA, havent you? I can tell.
ReplyDeleteI am surprised at Gaby's comment. I found the article both amusing and sad and not at all disrespectful as it reminds us so much of the differences between the two rites - I do attend both. As for the Grope of Peace I have nicknamed it the Grip of Peace since receiving such a crushing handshake on one occasion I ended up in A & E.
ReplyDeleteI rather like Cressida's idea of arranging buses to take people to the EF Mass (I make my way to two nearby towns twice a month in order to attend a Sunday EF) However sadly there are so many Catholics to whom the Mass of Ages is not welcome that we would be lucky to fill a minibus from my parish let alone a full bus.
I agree. Most won't attend EF because the accompanying is not there. If there was true Catholic teaching at Mass then they would all want the EF.
DeleteIf you read the Hidden Treasure by St Leonard of port Maurice you would really understand the sacred beauty of Holy Mass and wonder what evil intention devised the NO.
DeleteNo it is not funny that the Catholic Church has been diminished by sacrilegious practice to fit a secular society . For decades, Catholic education has failed to enable Catholic youth to understand and appreciate our heritage and the precepts and dogma of Christ's religion.At least if we strayed my generation had something to return to...now they have nothing.
ReplyDeleteAnd no...this is not satire.
Yes Cressida. I agree entirely with you. The next generation of Catholics raised with the NO and the limp wristed sermons by effeminate priests will just simply lapse as soon as they grow up. The current ethos does not demand sacrifice. No one thinks of dying for the faith anymore for example.
DeleteTime for an ecclescake fellowship breakfast.!
ReplyDeleteExactly!
ReplyDeleteVery funny! Thank you for the comic relief! “Gather us in, the proud and the haughty!” Ohhh Yeah!!!
ReplyDeleteDon’t forget the latest sports events broadcast before & after, & sadly even during the Mass! While on vacation, I went to one church, where they were selling religious goods inside near the door & while sitting in the pews, I had to turn around to remind the guy behind me, that he was actually in a Catholic Church & should turn off the boisterous March Madness basketball game on his cell phone. I was bit mad myself & felt like turning over some money changers’ tables! “WWJD!?!”, indeed!?!
At another “mod” Church, I remember shaking my head at the music selection we suffered through at a “Youth” Mass, because, unfortunately, we didn’t make it to an earlier Mass, not particularly dedicated to the “Youths”. The think tanks thought it was best to reach the “Youths” through relevant “mod” music. They played some so-called “mod” hymn/song which incorporated the ol’ 1929 song, “Puttin’ on the Ritz”! Somehow we were all confused by that number! They also played a Michael W. Smith song. It was a total cheese fest!
It was a newer Catholic Church, built in the South & it looked like a huge white box. Amongst all of the white, the “mod” colorful windows stood out showing Christ’s disciples, but they looked like “Meathead” from “All in the Family” & “Festus” from “Gunsmoke”! It was hard to be serious & concentrate, while looking at those characters!
The innovative pastor put sand in the holy water fonts during Lent, so they looked like ash trays, & had people call out their own spontaneous prayers for the Prayers of the Faithful during Mass. The parishioners should have prayed to have the church interior changed, including the windows and the pastor!
(Thankfully, we moved from that parish!) :D
This article is very confusing.
ReplyDeleteIs it satire or is this just a description of what the author observed last Sunday?
Unknown: Right on both counts
ReplyDeleteAll who accept "Divine Mercy", "Vatican 2", "Novus Ordo", its fake "Bible", its fake "Code" of "Canon" "Law", its fake "Catechism", its fake "Rosary", etc. or the Masonic infidels who introduced and imposed it are by Divine Law ipso facto latae sententiae automatically expelled from Christianity i.e. Catholicism regardless of the externals.
ReplyDelete