The synod of bishops will welcome (nearly) everyone

It's the day the whole Catholic Church has been waiting for: the Instrumentum Laboris for the forthcoming Synod of Synodal Bishops on Synodality (sponsored by Bud Light) is released. This is the result of lengthy discussions and the use of sophisticated AI (so NOT Austen Ivereigh), and the common theme is ALL ARE WELCOME.

As Cardinal Jean-Claude Hollerich points out, we need to welcome persistent adulterers, LGBTQSJ+- people, and even the bigamists! They may receive communion - indeed, why not let them act as Extraordinary Monsters of Holy Communion?

The Hell Choir (anag., 9 letters) is singing!

We must also welcome female deacons, and this includes transgender deacons and those who self-identify as cats. Give them a friendly stroke (the cats, that is) and a saucer of milk! Welcome any dead mice they have brought in to Mass!

But this is only half the story. Following representations from Pope Francis's best mates, we shall now be pleased to encourage:

* Abortionists,
* Child abusers,
* Rapists,
* Embezzlers, and of course
* Idol-worshippers.

I think this includes most of Francis's bosom pals. Hi, Emma, Marko, Gustavo, Giovanni, and the Pachamama club!

From the Austen Ivereigh Art Collection: we welcome the drunk addicted to custard pies!

Of course there are some classes of people that cannot POSSIBLY be welcomed. Anyone who wants to celebrate the traditional Latin Mass... anyone who asks embarrassing questions about Amoris Laetitia (bye, bye, Burke!)... all indietrists, backwardists, self-absorbed Promethean neo-Pelagians, faithful Catholics, ...

I hope the bishops have got the message now.

Late news. There is one category of Francis mates that we forgot to mention. And, for once, there is a Biblical justification to it, since Christ told us to feed the hungry. Yes, here we are!

We welcome the gluttons!