The Frozen

Yes, it's a new American Christian historical drama television series! You thought you knew the New Testament Bible story, but the producers have now filled in some missing details previously omitted by Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

The Blessed Virgin Mary (or possibly Nicodemus).

A few liberties have been taken with the script:

* All the action has been moved to Antarctica.

* All character wear beards (including the ladies), so are impossible to tell apart.

* Exciting back-stories have been provided: Peter is a drug addict and gambler; James and John are bank robbers; top Evangelist Matthew suffers from learning difficulties, and can neither read nor write.

* Jesus needs help writing His sermon on the mount.

* The five thousand are fed on McDonald's' Jumbo Offalburgers (thanks to an arrangement with the sponsors).

The Sermon on the Mount.

Say the producers: "We Protestants are often accused of Sola Scriptura (if it ain't in the Bible it didn't happen). We have turned this round to Extra Scriptura (if it's in the Bible we can't use it)."

The whole Gospel message is packed into 948 handy 3-hour films, and tell such thrilling stories as the trouble John the Reformed Baptist has with the Eskimo Soldiers (what do you mean, they're at the North Pole?), the episode of the Gadarene seals charging over the cliff, Jonah and the Whale (oh, was he Old Testament? Well, keep him in anyway, the viewers won't know that), and of course the Transfiguration at the South Pole.

Eccles verdict: not to be missed!

A shepherd watching over his flocks by night.