This is the spiritual journey of me, Eccles, my big brother Bosco, and my Grate-Anti Moly. Eccles is saved, but we've got real problems with Bosco and Anti.
Tuesday 2 July 2024
Zen and the art of Michael Lofton maintenance
The story so far:
You are a middle-aged man with a big head and a small beard, running a popular and lucrative
website that some days has more than three viewers.
Then guess what! Some jumped-up cardinal says cruel things about you!
It is your DUTY to put this Zen chap in his place!
This old man from Japan (memo: check this) dares to criticise Fiducia Supplicans - you know, that very important
magisterial letter that told us that homosexual couples should be /blessed/ /shown the door/
/kissed/ /sent off to join the Jesuits/ ... well, we're not sure what, as the rules change
every day. Still, priests can probably get away with blessing them provided that they cross their fingers while doing so,
do not take more than 16.314 seconds over the task, and provided that the parties do not form a couple, but a pair,
or possibly a brace, duo, or dyad. And the blessing must not look like a wedding - so no white dresses, bridesmaids, flowers, crying, or Wagner's
immortal tune "Here comes the bride, short, fat and wide."
"I'll bet that this jumped-up cardinal doesn't even have tattoos all over his body!"
Well, you've got this Zen chap over a barrel now. He needs to be laicised, put on the rack,
and (worst of all) forced to watch 200 hours of videos from your website "Reason and Theology - only joking, folks!"
For he is clearly denying the Hermitage of Continuity, Vatican II, and the divinity of Pope Francis,
and he is probably a Buddhist anyway, what with a crazy name like Zen.
Ha ha ha! Serve him right!
But HE BITES BACK. He tells people to stop wasting their "Michael's Pence" on your website, and
instead to find a grown-up who knows what he's talking about!
You aren't standing for that! STEP 1: kick the cat. STEP 2: well, we'll think of something.
Next week: Cardinal Zen tells us what he thinks of Austen Ivereigh, Fr James Martin SJ, and
"speedy" Cupich - who has just broken the record for the fastest ever Eucharistic procession.
Cardinal Cupich leads the procession (cue Yakety-Sax music).
出色的!
ReplyDelete《理性与神学》是天主教爱国会的作品。
ReplyDelete你说的是实话!
DeleteI have always said that
DeleteI believe the first comment counts as a site-wide imprimatur.
ReplyDeletelol, surely it does!!
DeleteI can't get the comments to translate to English. 🥲
DeleteThe first one is "Excellent." That's all you need to know.
Delete