Sunday, 2 June 2013

Dr Bosco solves your problems

My bruvver Bosco has started giving out meddical advice.

Jessica sneezing

Q: Dear Bosco, I am suffering from a sneezing fit. Can you help me?

A: Yes, of course sister Jessica. As well as being the only saved person round here, and known for giving helpful advice to Jesus, I am of course a skilled plumber and concert-standard nose-flautist. What is less well known is that I took a one-day course in medicine, which means that I know more about curing colds, flu, and allergies than any quack Brit MD who deserves to be thrown in the trash.

Bosco playing the nose-flute

Bosco performs Mozart's 3rd Nose-flute Concerto K.999 with the Los Angeles Philharmonic.

Q: So what do you recommend, Bosco, dear?

A: I've found that Jack Chick's vitriolic nasal spray will remove your nose problems in no time. Don't bother with antibiotics, antihistamines, or Anti Moly's gin - just order your concentrated H2SO4 over the Internet. Or of course Chuck Smith's hydrofluoric acid nasal spray is even more potent...

Q: Thank you so much, Bosco, darling, but...

A: ... but of course it doesn't work unless you are a truly saved person who hates Catholics and is waiting for the Rapture. Next patient, please!

Saved persons

Saved persons sitting on a cloud at St Pancras station.

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17 comments:

  1. Jessica Hoff2 June 2013 at 18:43

    darling eccles - that is so kind of you - I fink de nose flute is the thing :) xx Jess

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tony Flavin2 June 2013 at 18:47

    Lawks a mercy guvnah, that's Jessicough is quick off the mark with her comments, does she live in the cupboard under your stairs?

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    Replies
    1. tro2 June 2013 at 20:53

      Shades of Ariel Castro there, m8. Yuck.

      Delete
  3. Lisa Graas2 June 2013 at 18:57

    I'm so glad that I came here today so that I could sit at the feet of the wise.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Not Really Anonymous Fr Arfur 2 June 2013 at 19:11

    Of course, Jessica - you see while you were ill, I had to reprove dear Eccles, and ask him whether he was being helpful, kind and truthful about a very dear friend of mine.

    Well - Eccles must have had a "Road to New Addington" moment (That's like a Road to Damascus moment, except that you go blind from drinking meths with a tramp under the bypass).

    He became a truly saved person, and now he has volunteered to help out at Messy Church on First Sundays of the Month at St Rosa of Luxemberg's parish, owing to the Ms Lenina Crowne 's unavoidable absence, as she pursues a welsh blogger with a large pritt stick.

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  5. Tony Flavin2 June 2013 at 20:13

    St Rosa of Luxembourg? Is there some confusion there? Could you claer it up please. Sorry I am having a blond moment, bird brain that I am.

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    Replies
    1. tro2 June 2013 at 20:56

      How's the Swedish coming along, m8? :-)

      Delete
    2. Tony Flavin2 June 2013 at 21:10

      hur är min uppfattning om svenska? glider längs fint, mycket bättre än greppet om verkligheten.

      Delete
    3. tro2 June 2013 at 23:55

      For noe tull?

      Delete
    4. Tony Flavin3 June 2013 at 04:06

      Jag kann inte forstar

      Delete
  6. mrswupple2 June 2013 at 20:43

    I'm thinking he needs ti brush up de chemistry!

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  7. JabbaPapa2 June 2013 at 23:39

    I notice, Eccles, that your brother Bosco has refrained from asking your patient to bite him.

    I can only assume that this must be for fear of catching those same germs, which does not sound encouraging as to the efficaciousness of this savd pussons cough remedy.

    The famous medical saying, Savd pusson, bite thyself springs spontaneously to mind ...

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  8. Unknown3 June 2013 at 21:09

    Bosco nose how to play the flute.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Unknown3 June 2013 at 21:10

    Jack Chick's nasal remedy is good for NO's Spray Masses

    ReplyDelete
  10. Brother Burrito29 June 2013 at 07:10

    That is no cloud at St Pancras station. Rather, it is the famous middle-eastern sculpture entitled:

    "The Pittà" (the bread-unleavened).

    ReplyDelete