Eccles is saved

This is the spiritual journey of me, Eccles, my big brother Bosco, and my Grate-Anti Moly. Eccles is saved, but we've got real problems with Bosco and Anti.

Saturday, 30 January 2021

Even Pope Francis can't answer this!

Here is today's brain teaser: How can one explain to children that - for example - their mother, abandoned by their father and often n...

Thursday, 28 January 2021

Catholics For Genocide

Some personal news: I'll be joining Catholics For Genocide as their Director of Communications and Strategy on February 1st. As a Christ...

Sunday, 24 January 2021

Miracles are just a bit... unlikely

After our piece from Brian Cox , aged 13, explaining that science rules out the existence of the soul, another clever child has sent us a...

Science rules out the existence of the soul

Hello, my name is Brain Cox , aged 13, of St Dawkins' Comprehensive Shcool, Oldham. I am a very clever boy, and top in Sceince, which is...

Friday, 22 January 2021

How Eccles became a devout Catholic

After watching events on the other side of the Atlantic, I decided that it was time to look more holy. Obviously, being a devout Catholic is...

Thursday, 21 January 2021

Jupich Iscariot condemns statement from the other 11 disciples

Jerusalem Times, Good Friday, AD 33. Cardinal Jupich Iscariot, winner of the World Cup of Bad Apostles, today condemned a statement from t...

Tuesday, 12 January 2021

Requiem Mass for Twitter victims

We shall be holding a Requiem Mass for all those slain by the tyrant Rasputin "Jack" Dorsey in the recent Twitter massacres. Top o...

Saturday, 9 January 2021

Covidicus, Chapter 12: Lockdown again

Continued from Chapter 11. 1. At the end of the year the Emperor Macron of the Frenchites ended the great war, and the children of Bri-tai...

Thursday, 7 January 2021

Did John-Paul II and Benedict XVI inspire the Washington riot?

Part of a newly-discovered manuscript by Agatha Christie. Miss Marbles was a white-haired old lady with a gentle appealing manner, and kn...

Wednesday, 6 January 2021

A-men and A-woman: the hidden A-gender

Pastor Emanuel Cleaver, part-time Democratic Congressman and part-time United Methodist minister (so managing to serve God and Mammon at the...

Sunday, 3 January 2021

How to be popular with Pope Francis

Over now to Dublin, where the newly-appointed archbishop, Dermot Farrell , is consulting his spiritual director, Monsignor Gríma Wormtongue...

Tuesday, 29 December 2020

How to revive a dead Apostolic Exhortation

This is the latest instalment in our series "How to be a good pope", intended mainly for those who one day expect to be sleeping w...

Sunday, 27 December 2020

Christians are white supremacists

We are truly grateful to one Jen Bokoff for reminding us that "Merry Christmas" is a white supremacy slogan, and a sign to the wor...

Thursday, 24 December 2020

The 2020 Advent Calendar

This year's Advent calendar shows us all that is best in contemporary catholicism: A great year for Biden and AOC, generally regarded...

Wednesday, 23 December 2020

Austen Ivereigh not expected to resign

One of the closest confidants of Austen Ivereigh, the celebrated Catholic journalist, has denied rumours that the great man is about to resi...

Covidicus, Chapter 11 meets Brexodus, Chapter 22

Translator's note: Sometimes we find that two distinct chapters of the Bible are identical: for example, 2 Kings 19 and Isaiah 37 ...

Monday, 21 December 2020

Hark! The Herald's writers sing

A little Christmas carol to commemorate the Catholic Herald 's cutting its ties with Mary Kenny, Fr John Zuhlsdorf and Fr Dominic Allain...

Sunday, 20 December 2020

Mary, did you know?

Mary, did you know that your baby boy Would one day walk on water? Mary, did you know that your baby boy Would save our sons and daughters?...

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