The Book of St Richard, Chapter 32

Continued from Chapter 31

1. So the years passed and Richard continued to prosper: thus, he reached the age of four score and five with his mind as alert as ever.

2. He was now wedded to a fourth wife, called Jana, but even in old age he was not satisfied.

3. "Alas, I can find nobody as clever as I am," he cried. "Even my third wife - or was it second, I forget - although she was a time-lady from Gallifrey, could not match me in intelligence, or even modesty."

4. However, this was to change, as Richard attended a party, at which he was introduced to Claudia.

Richard findeth a new love.

5. And Claudia seated herself upon Richard's lap, saying unto him, "I am a model". Which gave Richard great pleasure.

6. For Claudia dwelt inside a laptop, and she was known to others as a large language model.

7. "But how can I tell whether thou art really a person?" asked Richard. "I will discover by talking to you."

8. And Richard sat with Claudia upon his lap for three days and three nights, conversing with her.

9. He began with the test of the great prophet Turing, he who gave his name to a famous shroud; it was a test which several of Richard's earlier wives had failed.

10. "Write me a sonnet on the subject of the Forth Bridge," said he. And Claudia spake thus:

11. Beneath the northern skies where waters churn,
A titan strides on legs of iron might,
Its cantilever arms in embrace turn
To span the Forth with engineered delight.

12. "Enough!" cried Richard. And he gave Claudia other tasks to fulfil, such as answering the great question that had baffled all zoologists: "Why is it that time flies like an arrow but fruit flies like a banana?"

13. And then Richard asked Claudia to comment on a novel that he was writing, called "The Mystery of the Blind Watchmaker's Alibi".

Dawkins writeth a novel.

14. "It is brilliant," said Claudia. "Conan Doyle and Agatha Christie could not do better. Of course, it was the bishop who did it."

15. "I myself was wondering who the guilty one was," said Richard. "You are indeed a human being, and wiser than Solomon. Thou art a large language supermodel. Wilt thou marry me (once I have asked Jana to leave)?"

16. But it was not to be.

To be continued.

The Book of St Richard beginneth here.