Tina Beattie thanks the blogosphere

Following a complicated and controversial discussion between respected and learned people (yes, really), such as Chalcedon 451, Joseph Shaw, and Mark Lambert, Professor Tina Beattie has issued a statement, thanking the Catholic blogosphere for pointing out that her letter to the Polish bishops might lead to a minor theological controversy about whether abortion could ever be consistent with Catholic teaching. The Polish bishops have been in a real quandary ever since they received the letter, signed by so many celebrity Catholics. Should they follow the Pope, the Magisterium, Catholic tradition, the Bible, God etc. or should one letter in green ink carry more weight?

"Have we been wrong all along?" asks Pope Francis.

Finally the balance was tipped when Vincent Nichols preached a pro-life sermon, so for the time being the Polish bishops are "staying put" with their patriarchal sexist misogynist attitudes.

The real debate centres on freedom of speech. Should a professor of Catholic studies be allowed to attack Catholic views? Actually, I don't see why not. If a professor of Physics wishes to write to the Royal Society claiming that E=mc² is wrong, and that it should be E=mc³, then nobody is going to worry about it, except those running nuclear power stations who decide to use the new formula and find that their power stations blow up. Likewise, a professor of French who announces that the French word for "cake" is "chapeau" will never be criticised, except possibly by silly people who end up eating hats in French restaurants.

Eating a delicious hat.

Tina's full title is "Professor of Catholic Studies and Director of the Digby Stuart Research Centre for Religion, Society and Human Flourishing". We don't see a problem with that. It doesn't mean that she teaches Catholicism, merely "Catholic Studies". Why, even Richard Dawkins has studied Catholicism - at a beginner's level - and come out against it. Then again, people who go to Roehampton are attracted to it because it is a world centre for Human Flourishing.

What they're wearing at Roehampton.

Others have sought to prise Prof. Beattie away from her exciting position as theological adviser to CAFOD. This is really only a problem if you take CAFOD seriously as a Catholic charity. Nothing to see here, move on.

The Book of Brexodus, Chapter 2

Continued from Chapter 1.

1. So Cam-aaron urged the children of Britain to remain in EUgypt.

2. And he spake, saying, "Let us send out a letter to every household, telling the people why we should remain in the courts of Juncker the Pharaoh."

3. "But who shall pay for this letter?" asked his brother Bosis. "Wilt thou fund the nine million shekels from thine extensive offshore interests?"

Cam-aaron followeth his offshore interests (fish).

4. "Nay," said Cam-aaron. "I have a better idea. Let the people pay for it themselves!"

5. Thus the Postman of Death came to each household with a letter from Cam-aaron. None escaped, save those who slew a lamb and smeared the blood on their doorposts; which is a form of decoration rarely seen in the fashionable parts of London.

6. Next, Cam-aaron enlisted the help of some old and wise men, Ash-down and Kin-nock, that they might send strange voices into the dwelling places of his peoples, crying "Remain! Remain!"

"You're an absolute shower!"

7. Yet still the children of Britain hardened their hearts, saying, "If Cam-aaron, Ash-down, and Kin-nock are for staying in EUgypt, then surely it is wiser to leave?"

8. Next, there spake forth a devout and holy man called Nichols, he that dressed in garments of red and was considered a prince among holy men.

The holy man protecteth himself againt the perils that are to come.

9. "If we leave EUgypt," said he, "then we shall face complex problems, such as the world has never seen before."

10. "What is more, it may hinder my chances of exchanging my garments of red for garments of white, and of changing my name to Francis the second!"

11. And the Catholicites mocked him, saying, "Hath thine Eminence ever been right about anything?"

12. Finally, out spake Gideon, also known as George, he who was responsible for the treasury, saying, "If ye leave EUgypt, then shall ye become poor, living on the scraps under the rich man's table, where the dogs will come and lick your sores."

"Woe is me. Would that I had remained in EUgypt!"

13. However, the words of Gideon were consumed with a grain of salt, since the Labourites and Libdemites with whom he was allied had spent six long years telling the world how useless his predictions were.

14. Still, in the interests of balance, we must mention that some of the allies of Bosis, they that wished to flee EUgypt, were equally wondrous. For apart from Bosis himself, they included Galloway the cat-impersonator and Fraser the comedy vicar.

15. In the words of the prophet, "Is it not a funny old world?"

Continued in Chapter 3.