These are stirring times for the Catholic church, and liberal theologians are now beginning to take seriously the suggestion from our friend Damian Thompson that there should be a "4th Person of the Trinity," namely, "The Spirit of Vatican II."
A new spirit is in the land
The "Vat Spirit" as we shall now call her, was sent from God to renew all aspects of our lives, and overturn all established traditions. If you read the Vat documents carefully, you see that God has given us two new and great commandments:
1. Thou shalt have no other gods but Me, but, hey, if thou dost not believe in Me either, well, nobody's going to condemn thee!
2. See that thou speakest not the abominable and blasphemous language known as Latin, which brings back unhappy memories to the Lord. Nay, let all thy words be Ne mutlu Rabbin adını gelir o or perhaps 是有福的，他在主的名字來。, or Cor that's cool like innit this God wotsit, you know? but, under no circumstances, Benedictus qui venit in nomine Domini.
A prophet, hanging, supported by his faith in the Vat Spirit
There will of course be a special Sunday in the year devoted to the Vat Spirit, at which we shall sing hymns, such as the following stirring anthem:
Arise all ye liberals and cast off the yoke of traditionalism!
Augustine and Aquinas are dead, and may they stay that way! Tractor production is up by 26.6% thanks to Socialism!
A new spirit breathes in the land.
Sister Margaret Farley's Sex Book
Here at St Daryl's we support our persecuted friend, Sister Margaret Farley, whose book The nun's guide to sex has so incensed the old fuddy-duddies at the Vatican. Really, in this day and age, who is going to commit themselves to a life of celibacy if they can't have a little naughty fun as well? Maggie the Maniac tells it like it is!
Liberated nuns
We know what the Vatican wants. It wants women to be slaves. Men will be allowed to have sex and to father children, but women won't. Oh no, it's "Could you lick the steps clean with your tongue, dear?" and "Get back in the kitchen, shameless woman, and cook Father Chauvin's lunch." Well, Germaine Greer did not burn her bra in vain, and liberation is at hand!
In St Daryl's we shall be having weekly readings from The nun's guide to sex, and we naturally encourage all sexual relationships, regardless of gender or number of people involved. Come along next week, and we'll read the spicy bit in Chapter 7 where Maggie the Maniac explains how a party of modern liberated nuns can have fun with a pantomime horse and a packet of frozen peas!
A naughty sex object
Can you tell me, dear Eccles, which Disorder of Nuns is Sr Farley a member of?
ReplyDeleteI am a great fan of her rusks, especially when they are part eaten, saliva-softened and dropped on the floor, unseen by mummy.
Is Sr. Farley part of the Magisterium of Nuns wot Fr. Z (not sav'd) rites about? Does she have her own Vat?
ReplyDeleteDear Msytic and Jessicca, we is rarver perplexxed here, as we wonders whevver Sr Farley is just a made-up sockpoppet and not a real pusson at all.
ReplyDeleteShe is not sav'd, though she says she is, and that's what counts for her.
DeleteBeing a great fan of the Spirit of Vat 2, I was very excited the other day in Sainsbury's to come across another Spirit called Vat 69. My question is, does anyone know what happened to the intervening 66 Vat Spirits?
ReplyDeleteDear Francis
ReplyDelete65 of the intervening VAT spirits were drunk by Moly when she ran out of hair restorer. I purchased the 66th, only to find that it vatileaked all over my shopping bag on the way home.
It is woeful! But now we know why she is always rolling on the floor.
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