The eight worst synodal horrors

So the World Cup of Synodal Horrors, a little diversion to prepare you for the heretical bedlam expected in October, has reached the quarter-final stage.

The knockouts start on August 22nd, and the results of the final stages of the competition will be reported here.

Here we go... Treebeard the Ent is coming along too.

The draw is as follows:

Dr Austen Ivereigh 69.6 v Sr Nathalie Becquart 30.4

No congratulatory kiss for Sr Nathalie, as Austen's great experience gives him an easy victory here.

Bp Georg Bätzing 22.2 v Fr James Martin 77.8

Class tells, as Jimbo's long experience of undermining Catholic doctrine easily brushes aside the promising newcomer.

Cdl Blase Cupich 47.8 v Abp Víctor Fernández 52.2

The world's worst cardinal loses his first ever battle: sheer nastiness is not enough to see him through against the kissing bishop.

Cdl Jean-Claude Hollerich 37.1 v Cdl Arthur Roche 62.9

Uncle Arthur takes the cake here. The Hell Choir (anag.) cannot stop him.

---

SEMI-FINALS

Dr Austen Ivereigh 31.7 v Abp Víctor Fernández 68.3

Ivereigh the veteran horror is swept away by the passionate newcomer.

Fr James Martin 69.1 v Cdl Arthur Roche 30.9

Two old friends of this blog slug it out, and England's last hope is eliminated.

---

THIRD PLACE PLAY-OFF

Dr Austen Ivereigh 47.6 v Cdl Arthur Roche 52.4

Bronze Medal for Uncle Arthur, as he brushes aside the poison Ivereigh to take 3rd place.

FINAL

Abp Víctor Fernández 54.1 v Fr James Martin 45.9

Golden-calf "Tucho" pushes past silver-tongued Jimbo to win the competition. Now, boys, no fighting - please kiss and make friends.

---

To finish off, a few horrid synod-related pictures, most of which have already appeared here.

A little-known novel by Jane Austen

Spiritual exercises.

Our experts have been told how to respond to all enquiries.

No room for Father, Son, or Holy Spirit, but never mind.