This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles
Showing posts with label Jonathan Pryce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jonathan Pryce. Show all posts

Friday, 30 August 2019

The Two Popes

A new film "The Two Popes" about Pope Benedict XVI and Jorge Bergoglio (as he was then), is soon to be released. As it will soon be available on the notoriously Catholic-friendly channel Netflix, we know that it will be completely true to the facts, and sympathetic to these two holy gentlemen.

Hopkins and Pryce

Hannibal Lecter stars as Pope Benedict, Elliot Carver as Jorge Bergoglio.

The plot (loosely based on Austen Ivereigh's pot-boiler Pope Francis, the Great Redeemer) begins with Cardinal Bergoglio paying a humble visit to Pope Benedict in order to reassure him that, when he (PB) decides to retire, he (CB) will be ready to step in and correct all the mistakes that he (PB) has made, as well as the mistakes of all the other popes (P, L, ..., J23, P6, JP1, JP2) who came before him.

Hopkins

Nasty old-fashioned rigid Pope, no longer required.

Benedict offers Bergoglio some liver cooked with fava beans, and a nice glass of chianti, but the cardinal humbly declines the offer and explains his plans to use an encoder obtained by his henchman, cyberterrorist Henry Gupta, to provoke war between China and the UK.

I'm sorry, Austen, we're deleting that bit. You seem to have got the plot confused with The Silence of the Lambs and Tomorrow never dies.

Anyway, more details will be available later, but it seems that the main theological discussion concerns the Beatles, and Bergoglio asks the Pope whether he knows their famous song Emma Bonino. He doesn't.

Other hard-hitting plot lines involve a criticism of Bergoglio's shoes (made from the finest Argentine Amoorish Leatheria), and a general realization from all the characters involved that Pope Benedict is BAD and Jorge Bergoglio is GOOD.

Pryce

A humble modern cardinal, who would never dream of being Pope.

Friday, 9 February 2018

It Looks Nothing Like Pope Francis - the winners!

There are numerous pictures, models, effigies, etc. of Pope Francis in circulation, most of which look nothing like the Holy Father. As Pope Francis prepares to pack his bags and flee to Argentina, we present some of the worst, with thanks to various contributors.

pope lookalike

A new "Looks nothing like Pope Pius XIII" line will be on sale soon.

pope lookalike

Shine, Jesus, Shine!

pope lookalike

A "gay" couple celebrate their (undersized) designer baby.

pope lookalike

"But I prefer a good fudge."

pope lookalike

Look more like a space alien than a pope.

pope lookalike

Change the name on the base, and it can be anyone you like.


Whereas, we all know that Pope Francis is really the actor Jonathan Pryce.

Jonathan Pryce

Jonathan Pryce.

Except that Pryce (or possibly Francis) was once a James Bond villain.

James Bond villain

Pryce (or Francis) in "Tomorrow never dies".