Saturday, 8 May 2021
Monday, 3 May 2021
Thursday, 15 April 2021
Bergoglio Minor! Et - and. Ne - with the subjunctive, a negative imperative. Nos - we, us. Inducas - subjunctive of induco, lead in, bring in. In - when it takes the accusative, into. Tentationem - accusative, temptation. What does that give us? "Do not abandon us to temptation", Sir? No, boy! Bend over! THWACK! It means "do not lead us into temptation". THWACK! Ouch! Yarooh! Chiz.
"He said 'pax tecum' to Fr Tommy!" "Eeek!" "You've done it as well!" "Mea culpa!" "Aaaaaggggh!" "Hey, stop speaking Latin, there are young people present! We don't want it as a lingua franca!" "Help! Mommy!" "Now you're doing it! You'll be a persona non grata!" "Urrrrgggghhh...!" "Tommy's gone into a coma. Give him the kiss of life, someone! Look, don't all rush at once! Ten minutes each."At that point we lost the phone connection. So, I never did complete my liturgical discussions with Fr Tommy.
Monday, 12 April 2021
Saturday, 10 April 2021
Priest: Prince Philip be with you. Congregation: You managed not to get eaten then? Priest: Aren't most of you descended from pirates? Congregation: You're too fat. Priest: Do you still throw spears at each other?Eccles: So what will you do now that your god is dead? Archbishop: We are moving from a Vetus Ordo worship of Prince Philip to a Novus Ordo worship of Prince Charles. My man Annibale Bugsbunni is looking for the new god's memorable sayings, but all he has come up with so far is "To get the best results you must talk to your vegetables" and some stuff about carbon dioxide, organic muesli, and monstrous carbuncles. Annibale has a difficult task on his hands. Eccles: Well, good luck with that. Archbishop, thank you very much.
Wednesday, 7 April 2021
Monday, 5 April 2021
Saturday, 3 April 2021
Wednesday, 31 March 2021
Sunday, 28 March 2021
Saturday, 27 March 2021
Sunday, 21 March 2021
Saturday, 13 March 2021
- The public conveniences;
- A disused broom cupboard;
- A cold area of the grotto under six inches of water.
8. So eventually the younger son said, "Father, give me my share of the estate. I wish to become independent.
9. For my wife Meg-han hath had enough of opening abattoirs in Goole and recycling centres in Basingstoke.
10. She wisheth to return to the holy wood of her forefathers, wherein she may be a celebrity without any duties, save to speak voice-overs for him that is called Disney."
The father is grieved on hearing of his son's wish to depart.
11. And thus Harry and Meg-han left the family that is known as royal, and began to squander their wealth in wild living.
12. Indeed, Harry forsook the title of "Your Prodigal Highness" and changed his name to "Mr Sussex".
13. They went into the market-place and tried to make their fortune by selling useful items, under the name of "Sussex Prodigal".
14. But, alas, nobody wanted to buy a carbon-neutral biodegradable gluten-free halal antiracist gay clockwork hedgehog that played "Shine, Jesus, Shine!" even if it did bear the label "Sussex Prodigal".
15. So, when they had spent all theor substance, they sought another way to pay their way.16. And Meg-han said, "Once I was a celebrity, and acted in a play called Suits. Although you may not believe it, I played a selfish good-for-nothing who was seeking a wealthy husband. Perchance I can act again." 17. But the people of the Holy Wood did not require an actress who could play an aggressive bad-tempered, selfish, good-for-nothing. Although they did say that, if they were to remake the humorous play known as Psycho with a female star, then they would call on her. 18. Then, in desperation, Harry and Meg-han went into the fields to feed the creature known as Oprah. And they wished that they might fill their stomachs with the pods that the Oprah ate, but their fee was far less than hers and they could not afford them.
Wednesday, 3 March 2021
Sunday, 21 February 2021
Tuesday, 16 February 2021
Saturday, 13 February 2021
Lambchop, Austen the gnome, and James Martin LGBTSJ attempt to correct Jesus.Some examples of criticisms are the following: When He saved a woman taken in adultery from being stoned, He told her to "Go and sin no more." A true WWPFD Catholic would have told her that she could carry on with her adultery, and, after a period of discernment and accompaniment, she could be recognised as a virtuous member of the community. (See the Commandments of Amoris Laetitia, number 306, footnote 2b(xi).) Jesus continues to make references to "God the Father", and refuses to accept other gods. Does Pachamama mean nothing to Him? Is He not aware of the useful role that idols can play in modern worship? martial art of Papa-slappa, rather than a whip of knotted chords. Still, it's a start...