So we have reached the quarter-finals of the
2024 World Cup of Bad Hymns, and here are
the remaining atrocities, with some useful descriptions.
Lord of the Dance (Sydney Carter)
The winner in 2018. Basically a load of semi-heretical nonsense from beginning to end. Most cringeworthy line is
perhaps "It's hard to dance with the devil on your back," but the whole attempt to reduce Christ's ministry to
a dance is sick-making.
FACT: It's hard to dance with anyone
on your back.
Shine, Jesus, shine (Graham Kendrick)
Bronze medallist in 2018. This one contributed to my changing churches about 20 years ago.
Many irritating lines such as "Shine on me, shine on me" and "Flow, river, flow". Sorry, I am still traumatized.
Let us build a house where love can dwell (All are welcome) (Marty Haugen)
One of the two works by Mr Haugen to reach the last eight. Not well known in the UK, as far as I can tell,
but in the USA he deserves a restraining order to stop him writing anything more. This one goes on far
too long without more than one idea in the whole piece.
Kumbayah (anon)
Fourth place in 2018. Let's face it, if you had written such tosh you would want to be anonymous too.
"Someone's giggling Lord, Kumbayah". All right, I made that bit up.
You just know they're dying to sing "Kumbayah".
On eagle's wings (Michael Joncas)
Again, not known to me by experience. Wikipedia says that Joe Biden likes it, which suggests that
it's more likely to be about ice-cream than God. As far as I can tell, it consists of some chunks of Psalm 91
set to a banal tune.
Here in this place new light is streaming (Gather us in) (Marty Haugen)
Haugen's second entry in the last eight, silver medallist in 2018. The cumulative effect of lines such as
"We are the young, our lives are a mystery" (apparently there to provide a rhyme with "history" two lines later)
must be enough to cause temporary insanity.
Come to the feast of Heaven and Earth (table of plenty) (Daniel Schutte)
If I'd had to choose one of the three pieces of Schutte in this contest, I'd have gone
for "I, the Lord of sea and sky (here I am, Lord)", but this one is atrocious too.
Can people sing words like "O come and eat without money;
come to drink without price" without giggling?
Mary, did you know? (Mark Lowry)
On Twitter/X I see more tweets from people who hate this patronizing hymn than about any other song apart
from the Satanists' anthem "Imagine". Yes, she did know, you great gibbon.
Some spiritual nourishment (there's not been any so far in this post).
THE RESULTS AS THEY COME IN:
QUARTER-FINALS
Lord of the Dance 72.1 v
Shine, Jesus, shine 27.9
All are welcome 62.3 v
Kumbayah 37.7
On eagle's wings 41.6 v
Gather us in 58.4
Table of plenty 28.7 v
Mary, did you know? 71.3
SEMI-FINALS
Lord of the Dance 44.3 v
Gather us in 55.7
All are welcome 41.2 v
Mary, did you know? 58.8
THIRD PLACE PLAY-OFF
Lord of the Dance 45.5 v
All are welcome 54.5
BRONZE MEDAL for "All are Welcome".
FINAL
Gather us in 47.2 v
Mary, did you know? 52.8
GOLD for "Mary, did you know?" and SILVER for "Gather us in."
‘It's hard to dance with the devil on your back’
ReplyDeleteSomewhere out there, there’s a Willie Nelson song missing that line….
I think I'll give up singing before embracing that tripe
ReplyDeleteGather Us In is best experienced with a mug of ale in one's hand, swinging said mug to the beat like a pirate.
ReplyDelete😆
DeleteHere's the choreography for Shine Jesus Shine during the 1995 World Youth Day. Hope this song wins Gold.
Deletehttps://youtu.be/T-VQH12Pk2Q
Many thanks.
DeleteLet me get this right: you thanked him for that video. It looked like a Michael Jackson troupe, what with the white gloves. I don't think it's aged well. But hey! They were certainly enthusiastic! Even the Pope!
DeleteOn Beagle's Wings is a better version.
ReplyDeleteOn Eagle’s wings…made it!
ReplyDeleteMary did you know…must and should win as the Worst Hymn aside from being blasphemous and sacrilegious!!!
ReplyDeleteYES!!! I cringe whenever that comes on thr radio in my car. I certainly won't play it at home. Unfortunately, some near and dear to me are fond of it. :-(
DeleteHi Eccles, We want to send a video of a choreographed Shine Jesus Shine from the World Youth Day in the Philippines in 1995. This is a gold medal clincher. What is your email? Or how do we attach it here?
ReplyDeleteI think they need to win something! They recorded it and didn't even drop the mikes or anything.
ReplyDelete