This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday, 5 November 2018

Time to run screaming from the church

We've reached the knockout stage of the World Cup of Bad Hymns. Once again, some prize specimens have been eliminated, such as: I, the Lord of sea and sky (Here I am, Lord), The world is full of smelly feet, Sing a new church, They'll know we are Christian, and Christ be our light. But look at what's left...

The knockout stage goes as follows:

Quarter-finals, beginning November 5th:

A: Group 1 winner v Group 2 runner-up:
Shine, Jesus, Shine (Graham Kendrick) v Come to the table of plenty (Daniel Schutte).
Result: 54-46.

B: Group 2 winner v Group 1 runner-up:
One bread, one body (John Foley) v Gather us in (Marty Haugen).
Result: 35-65.

C: Group 3 winner v Group 4 runner-up:
Lord of the dance (Sydney Carter) v Gloria, clap, clap (Martin Anderson).
Result: 57-43.

D: Group 4 winner v Group 3 runner-up:
On eagle's wings (Michael Joncas) v Kumbayah (anon).
Result: 45-55.

Semi-finals, beginning November 13th:

1. Winner of A v Winner of C.
Shine, Jesus, Shine v Lord of the dance
Result: 38-62.

2. Winner of B v Winner of D.
Gather us in v Kumbayah
Result: 54-46.

Third place playoff, November 19th:
Shine, Jesus, Shine v Kumbayah
Result: 51-49.

Final on November 22nd, St Cecilia's Day.
Lord of the Dance v Gather us in
Result: 56-44.

Congratulations to Sydney Carter, and if you want a good laugh, read THIS.

St Cecilia

You want to sing WHAT???

May I beg all supporters to behave themselves and refrain from violence. We don't want scenes such as we saw in the 1898 World Cup of bad hymns, when fans of Ira D. Sankey's Sacred songs and solos went crazy and started singing:

Throw out the lifeline! Throw out the lifeline!
Someone is drifting away;
Throw out the lifeline! Throw out the lifeline!
Someone is sinking today.
History relates that supporters of Knowles Shaw retaliated with:
'Tis the hand of God on the wall,  
'Tis the hand of God on the wall;  
Shall the record be, "Found wanting," or shall it be, "Found trusting!"
While that hand is writing on the wall?  
There were fifty arrests and two hundred casualties (mostly people driven permanently insane). No, we don't want any more of that, thank you.

fighting in church

Someone's fighting, Lord, Kumbayah.

Update: We have had requests for a "People's Vote" re-run, amidst allegations of Russian interference and illegal campaigning. Sorry, the results will stand.


  1. Those lifeline boys look dodgy. They are texting their mates to get there quick to kick off the bovver.

  2. Plenty, Gather, Dance, and Kumbaya.

    Group B is a tough showdown between a song with a feminist subtext and one tbat has become an anthem for lavender causes. Which deserves the title kore?

  3. Group A: Come to the table is marginally more dire.
    Group B: Gather us in, also marginally more dire
    Group C: Gloria clap clap, infantilism wins
    Group D: On Eagle's Wings, by a whisker

  4. A: Come to the Table B: Gather Us In (2 vile choices)
    C: Lord of the Dance (for the cringe factor)
    D: On Eagle's Wings
    But honestly, they all deserve a participation trophy.

  5. Time to Run Screaming - I ran screaming (mentally)from the church one day. The presider said we wuz all saints so I thought "I coulda stayed home and ate Eccles cakes!"

  6. There are people who like Gather Us In and have been discussing it on a comments thread at CAF: