The Book of Numbskulls 2 - after the fall of Bosis

After some delay, continued from Chapter 1.

1. Following the fall of Bosis, it was decided that the children of Bri-tain would be led by his servant Trusshua.

But Liz telleth Liz that she will not be around for long.

2. Thus Trusshua went to see the Queen of Elisheba to receive the holy seals of office.

3. And such was the joy of Elisheba that she died three days later, to be succeeded by her eldest son, the King Charlemagne III.

The Lady of the Lake giveth the sword to Charlemagne.

4. So for ten days there was no government, as the country went into mourning, and the critics said: "All goeth very well at present. Can we not mourn for a few more years?"

5. But it was not to be, and Trusshua was obliged to govern. Thus she asked her chancellor, the Quartengmaster, to produce a mini-budgie, which would greatly increase the wealth of the people of Bri-tain.

6. However, the mini-budgie refused to fly, and the people were exceedingly wrathful.

7. Indeed, they stayed wrathful for another eighteen months, as we shall see.

This budgie is not more. It hath ceased to be.

8. Thus it was decided that Trusshua must go. But she spake out boldly, saying "I am a fighter not a quitter."

9. And then she resigned on the next day.

10. So this time the Conservatites decided that voting on a new leader was not a good idea.

11. Besides, if they chose anyone except Rishi the Sunakite, he would destroy the lucky one with plagues of cake and budgies.

12. Thus Rishi went to see King Charlemagne, to tell him that he was the people's choice.

13. And thus he was ready to meet other world leaders too.

Bless you! I'm the people's choice too!

To be continued.

The Book of Numbskulls 1 - the fall of Bosis

Continued from here.

1. In my earlier writings, O Theophilus, namely the books of Brexodus and Covidicus, I told the story of how Bosis led the children of Bri-tain out of the land of EU-gypt, and how they were hit by a great plague.

2. Now I must tell the tragical history of the downfall of Bosis and his replacement by his servant Trusshua.

On the way out...

3. For by the seventh month, Bosis had lost favour with the people.

4. First, because of his love of cake. For he had held a great feast, at which there appeared on the wall, written in letters of fire, the words MENE PEPEL ARUN HARPE, which is to say "The people of the Beeby Sea have found thee wanting and wish thee to go."

5. Second, there was a man named Pincher, who was accused of pinching two men.

6. But Bosis refused to believe in his iniquity, defending Pincher by saying, "Doth Raab rob? Doth Mogg mug? Is Eustice useless? Well, perhaps yes in this last case, but I cannot believe that Pincher doth pinch."

7. But the end was in sight, for Sajidiah, the bringer of health, and Rishi the Sunakite, the bringer of wealth (or not), now resigned from their offices, followed by many other ministers.

8. And even the aged patriarch, John of Magdala, who had led the Conservatites thirty years earlier, spake from his tomb, saying "It is time for the 1922 B.C. committee to intervene, they that wear grey suits and dwell in smoke-filled rooms."

The spectre of the late John of Magdala.

9. So Bosis admitted that the game was up and a new leader was needed. Besides, he had led the people out of EUgypt (except perhaps for the Irish of the North), reduced their footprints of carbon, and brought prosperity to all. Or so he said.

10. Then there came forth eight brave heroes, all willing to lead the children of Bri-tain into a glorious future.

11. But soon the candidates disappeared one by one, as in the fabled book of Anima Christi, known as "Ten little Tories", which was known throughout the land of Bri-tain.

12. So that only Trusshua and Rishi the Sunakite remained.

The race for power.

13. Now the people of the Western Minster preferred Rishi, but the Law of Profits told them that they must consult the humble Conservatites who dwelt among the grass roots.

14. And the lot fell upon Trusshua, and what a lot it would be, as I shall relate next.

Continued in Chapter 2.