They're changing popes at Vatican Palace

With apologies to A.A. Milne.

They're changing popes at Vatican Palace -
   Christopher Robin went down with Alice.
Francis is washing a Muslim girl's feet -
"That is going to go down a treat,"
   Says Alice.

They're changing popes at Vatican Palace -
   The new pope needs no cooks or valets.
A grand apartment he wants to decline -
"That cupboard under the stairs is fine,"
   Says Alice.

An apartment fit for a pope!

They're changing popes at Vatican Palace -
   Dawkins shows his usual malice.
We saw a concert: the pope stayed away -
"I think he's busy with 'pope things' today,"
  Says Alice.

They're changing popes at Vatican Palace -
   We hear of scandals worse than in Dallas.
They told me of a naughty old vicar -
"That surely can't be Monsignor Ricca?"
   Says Alice.

I must do something about you - and let go of my ear!

They're changing popes at Vatican Palace -
   We've plastic cups, instead of a chalice.
A bunch of bishops broke into a dance -
"Vin will do likewise when he gets a chance!"
   Says Alice.

Both arms in, and shake 'em all about...

They're changing popes at Vatican Palace -
   Rock music's in: out goes Thomas Tallis.
Pepinster's telling the pope what to do - 
"That loopy old woman hasn't a clue,"
   Says Alice.

They're changing popes at Vatican Palace -
   Christopher Robin went down with Alice.
"Do you approve of Pope Francis's style?" 
"Not always - but still he's got a nice smile,"
   Says Alice.     

Alternative words are permitted, replacing "Christopher Robin" by "Cardinal Cormac", "Father John Zuhlsdorf", "Damian Thompson", or the name of some other religious figure.

Savin de sole of Peter

Bosco is indeed loved by de Lord. You will recall dat he won a stattue in a compettition, but in de end it got sent back, and he was waitin for a repplacement prize.

Today de new prize arrived. It aint a whole stattue, just de foot of one. It was too big for de house, so we stuck it in de gardden.

Dere was a labbel attached to it, "St Peter". Dis is one of dem Cathlic saints dat we in de Calumny Chappel aint too happy about, but Bosco finks we might be able to save him if we makes an effort and prays for his sole. So we is gonna kiss de foot every day as part of our devottions. We knows it annoys de Pop, so dat's a bonnus.

Our daley warship also includs bowin down to de Calumny Chappel Dove, prayin for Anti Moly to recover her sensses - Fridday is her reggular meltdown day and we aint gonna git much sleep tonihgt - and shoutin "YOU AINT SAVED" at de kids goin to de muvvers-and-toddlers gruop, sure dey bursts into tears but de Moms knows we is doin it in de Lord's name.

Bosco aint doin to well wiv his thoelogical ressearch right now. What he usually does is type somethin into Goggle e.g. "Cathlics is all pigs" or "Cathlics is all rappists" and cut and paste de ressults into Damain Thopmson's blogg. Sometimes he misstypes, and so readers is rather nonnplused to get an article on Cathodes - Bosco used dat to explane dat, when dere aint nuffin good on de tellevision, de Pop likes tyin ellectrodes to poeple and den switchin on de current - and anuvver one on Catterick - which is an army campp, and Bosco used dat to prove dat the Pop likes shootin poeple wot owns Bibbles.

Still nobody reads Bosco's posts in detale, so a few little errors aint gonna be notticed.

My bruvver still aint mannaged to get a proper hallo and wings to wear in de street to show to poeple dat he is saved. Dis is what he is gonna wear to a job interveiw wiv de local unddertakers (more detales next time, perrhaps).

De two hallos you is carryin is good Bosco, but saved poeple doesnt normally wear a lake of fire on de head, and I fink you has been sent rings not wings, did you misstype de order? Bosco's typin aint all that good, which is odd as I aint nevver had any probblems.

Well, we gotta do an advert, so here goes.

---

FOR DE CATHLIC WOT LIKES SOCKPOPPETS

GIT YOUSSELF A BOSCO IDDLE

WHY NOT GIVVIM A BIG KISS?

Bosco finds St Peter

Well dat was a disasster, wasnt it, Bosco, my dere bruvver. We lunched a raid on de herretics at de Calvados Chappel, dem wot scribled "Bosco, you aint saved" on de wall of the dining room. For Jessus had spoke to us and said "Beet em up good and propper, you servvants of de Lord".

De plan was to brake into de Calvados Chapule and stick supergleu on de foot of de iddle of St Peter dat dey got (dey calls him St Dracula, but we knows it is reely St Peter), so dat de first person to kiss de foot (probabbly Pastor Nosferatu) would be stuck to it. Den we could shout "You aint saved, is you, you loser?"

Here is de statue of St Peter.

Well we went to de Calvados service, which I has to say is very similar to what Bosco and me does in de Calumny Chappel. Dey had a momment of sillent prayer when Pastor Nosferatu said "Shut up my brethren" and de congreggation said "We shuts up for de Lord". Bosco aint very good at being sillent and I heard him prayin "Oh God, Eccles is such a pane, make him stop writtin dat ghastlly blogg before he gets us both arested. PS Dont forget I am one of de saved ones, so dis is a proirity prayer."

Den Pastor Nosferatu stood up and said, "We got visitors tonihgt, and we invites em to be de first to kiss de stateu of St Dracula". Bosco wasnt paying attention and frew force of habbit he rushed up and kissed de foot of St Peter/Dracula. De big toe broke off and got stuck to his nose wiv supergleu, makin it twice as big as ussual. De Calvados Chapule folk cried out "Dat's a sign of special blessin from de Lord. Is it not written in de Song of Solomon 'Thy nose is as de tower of Lebbanon which looketh toward Dammascus'?" (Yes, I fink it is, but dats a song dat we don't sing very often in de Calumny Chappel.)

Anyway, we is now makin our peace wiv de Calvados Chapule, dey aint saved as much as we is, but dey aint bad chaps reely, not like dem Cathlics, who is de reel ennemy. Dey promissed not to write "Bosco, you aint saved" on any more walls, as a man wiv a big hooter is surely marked out for Salivation.

Here is Bosco wiv his new nose, but he aint very happy wiv it, he says it tickles.