Now, I've got something to ask you, Damian.
Welcome to Telegraph Comment's live Q&A, where Damian Thompson answers your questions on religion, music, hairdressing and custard.
The Archbishop of Corby: Damian, sweetie, how do you get your hair looking so wonderful? What's it like being such a talented writer? Does it frighten you to think that you are worshipped as a god in seventeen separate countries? Where would the Catholic Church be today if it were not for your intervention? Why not visit Corby this weekend? Custard is 20p off at Asda.
DT: I rinse my hair in custard every night, Paul. As for the rest, I'm too modest to reply.
Worshippers of Damian Thompson discuss addiction.
Phil Trollhurst, alias Phil Evans, Daryl Brown, Deborah Comments, Vilepuffin, etc.: Now that Pope Francis has renewed the Spirit of Vatican II and said that he plans to allow gay bishops to marry each other, don't you think it is time for all the traddies to leave the Catholic Church? Wasn't Hans Küng right all along?
DT: Speak later, Phil.
Dignity in worship: Phil takes a leaf out of Bosco's book.
Micky Dross: It's so dreadfully unfair how your moderators censor free speech, Damian. All I want to do is to post links to anti-Catholic articles in the Huffalump Post, and they are removed straight away. Oh, and "mollusc porn", of course, but that's a very specialised interest.
Mollusc porn.
DT: As editor of Telegraph blogs I have no control over the moderators, or anyone else. In fact (edited by a muddlerator).
Fr Alfred Haddock: Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him? 1 Corinthians 11:14.
DT: Oh, absolutely. I mean, look at A.C. Grayling. But don't look at Alan Massie, as he's one of ours.
Shameful.
Eccles: Ullo, Damian. Is you saved?
DT: Well, that's all we've got time for now.
As the product placement officer for a company selling hair wax, I have long been trying to get my excellent product (of which, from the evidence your photo, you obviously make liberal use) to be stocked in your luvvly hair salon.
ReplyDeleteTo this end, I have posted there for several years under the guise of a genial biologist (of the non-mollusc-molesting variety) with an entourage of attractive Latin American ladies and stray cats.
My question is - would you like to have a coffee with me, next time you are in South America? I can then wax lyrical to you about anything that takes my fancy, and perhaps sell you some hair product as well.
Damian
ReplyDeleteWould you mind getting the muddlerators to delete any late night posts from 2010-12 which show me boasting about my non-existent qualifications in Sociology and Theology, and being rude to other posters.
Please leave the recent ones up though, so I can show my superiors that I am a sockpuppet in good standing.
Hello Damian,
ReplyDeleteMuch as I am surprised to find you on Gardeners Question Time, l will try to keep my question simple. I have a south-facing plot on which I am trying to grow aubergines in seasonal liturgical colours. Unfortunately they are all coming out purple but the liturgical season is green.
Have you any suggestions?
Distressed Lapin of Benidorm
Your "plot" sounds like a conspiracy FrereRabit. Nitrogen supplements and some Ecstasy diluted in vodka and Creme de Menthe should turn anything green in due season.
DeleteTry relocating to Calpe
DeleteCan anything good come out of Calpe?
DeleteJohn 1:45
I would have expected a longer question from +Corby
ReplyDeleteCan anything good come out of Corby ?
DeleteJohn 1:45
Damian: “Who am I to judge? Except about custard - as long as it is a sincere custard. Otherwise, it’s for the birds…”
ReplyDeleteCustard is so awful the French call it "creme anglaise" - English cream! It's enough to make anyone schream! So is Damain.
ReplyDeleteProlly, to be fair, John the Evangelist did not say "Can anything good come out of custard?" but Damian should not see that as encouragement.
DeleteAnyway, John1:45 and that is the World at One.
Dear Damian - can you thank your silly muddlerators for blocking Geoffrey Sales - I am very grateful to them.
ReplyDeleteDarling eccles, I am off soon- but will miss your nuorishment :) xx Jess
Five percent of all children are terrified of clowns.
ReplyDeleteTwenty-five percent of Graas children are terrified of clowns.
25% of clown presbyters are afraid! The rest are just clowns.
Delete"You have to be trained that clowns are funny," said the clown.
ReplyDeleteI got last minute nerves about asking a question, and asked something sensible that was answered sensibly. My apologies to all who were waiting for something witty.
ReplyDeleteIf I had not got stage fright, I would have asked a penetrating question about the pros and cons of pink custard v yellow custard when dealing with an accompaniment for jam coconut sponge. If he had let slip that Cameron had a preference for chocolate mint custard, it could have ended the Coalition, so perhaps it was for the best.