This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles
Showing posts with label Gandhi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gandhi. Show all posts

Saturday, 7 December 2013

Can Peter Oborne be compared to Jesus Christ?

It was his pureness of heart and sanity of judgement that made Peter Oborne one of the three greatest comedians of the 20th century. The other two were Groucho Marx and Charlie Chaplin.

Peter Oborne

The Telegraph's chief political comedian.

Whereas many other people decided that Gandhi was a dirty old man who hated Western Civilization, only Peter Oborne in his simple ignorance saw him as a hero who embraced humanity - even the ones who didn't want to be embraced. Indeed, Oborne is probably unique in listing both Churchill and Gandhi - who hated each other and had diametrically opposite views - as his personal heroes.

We should judge Oborne in the context of Telegraph comment and blogs. The list of those with an epic generosity of spirit is small: one might name Damian Thompson, with his universal courtesy and kindness to his enemies such as David Cameron, Tim Yeo, Russell Brand and Cardinal Murphy-O'Connor. Or James Delingpole with his Olympian tolerance of windfarms, "green" taxes, and the inanities of his nonagenarian colleague Geoffrey Lean. Yet only Oborne stands out as genuinely - but unconsciously - a comic genius.

Ayatollah Khomeini

Ayatollah Khomeini - "one of the greatest theologians of our time".

The recent book A Dangerous Delusion: Why the Iranian Nuclear Threat is a Myth is just the sort of text that Jesus would have written, if he had been as clever as Peter Oborne. In it, Ayatollah Khomeini is described as "one of the greatest theologians of all time" - at least if our friends at Wikipedia aren't having a little joke here. All time, you notice. Tough luck, Augustine, Aquinas, etc., you just didn't have the intellect of the sage of Tehran!

Po

Po of the Telegraphies - was she so named because of her resemblance to P.O.?

Oborne himself rose to fame as a sports journalist, with biographies of the great cricketer Basil D'Oliveira, and of Alastair Campbell, the spinner for Tony Blair. But he turned to politics, and our American readers will doubtless admire his article Why the US is now our great enemy, written in 2005, when the UK and USA were bitterly fighting a cold war. Please check this, someone.

Jesus Himself is known to have said to Himself on many occasions, "What would Peter Oborne do?" and this is obviously a precept that we should follow ourselves. Note that Our Lord gave the name Peter to his greatest disciple, intending that he would model his life on that of the great Oborne: inevitably he fell short. In more recent times Damian Thompson said to our hero "You are Peter, and on this rock I shall build my blogs. And I have given you the keys to the executive washroom."

born again

Ye must be - oh, born again!

The death of Peter Oborne's credibility diminishes the earth we walk on. Even now that it has gone, it is essential for the sake of our common humanity that we cherish its memory and try as best we can to remember the lessons that he taught.

Sunday, 8 April 2012

De Voyage of St Eccles, Chapter 2

1. So it came to pass dat Eccles and Anti Moly-ben-Dite went to de Pottymouth trane station, for to catch de Indian Pacific trane to Sidney.

2. And de statoinmaster at Pottymouth hardened his heart and said, "Lo! Dis dame is a well-known trubble-maker and she aint gonna go on any of our tranes unless you puts her in a wooden crate."

3. And Moly she was very wrathful, but she knew dat dere was no real chioce, if she wanted to see her beloved, he dat is called Pell.

4. So Eccles he made a crate out of de finest gopher wood. Lo, it was 4 cubits long, and nearly 2 cubits wide and 2 cubits deep. And in it he placed his beloved ant, together wiv a supply of de finest liqours and a wondrous engine called an iTroll, wot is able to send forth insullts to bloggs on de Internnet.

Moly in box

5. And de Pottymouth stationmaster hardened his heart and said, "Peradventure we shuold also handcuff and gag de old biddy? For she will scream 'woful!' in de nihgt, when de honest man sleepeth."

6. But Eccles he pointed out dat de regullatoins for transportin livestock on de trane said dat dey must not be creul to de animules. So it came to pass dat he buoght himself a Saver ticket (for he was Saved) and he placed his beloved anti in de gaurd's van.

7. And Anti Moly spake forth wiv her iTroll, sayin, "WOFL, WOFL, WOFL. I has got an Easter message for all traddy fanatical Cathlics. Easter is a time for buying chockolate eggs and smashin dem over de heads of sockpoppets. It aint got no uvver purpoise."

8. But de Internett connectoin faileth, and her vioce cryeth out in de wilderness, "WOFL" and no man heareth de Easter message of Anti Moly.

Sidney Opera House

9. Thus dey came to Sidney, a city of great baeuty and cullture, where dey hath an opera house and signeth all de famuous operas, such as "De Barber of Pottymouth," by Micki Rossini, and "Gotterdamian," abuot de Twillight of de Bloggs.

10. So dey released Anti Moly from her wooden box, and she walked in de streets wiv Eccles, her saved nehpew, wot is loved by de Lord and gets Vallentine cards from Him (althuogh some saith dat it was a practical joke played by his creul bruvver Bosco).

11. And dey meets a Momron, who saith "G'day, yuong man. We has a projject to bapptise all de dead poeple wot can't say no. But we also bapptises people wot is old and decreppit, so maybe de old skellington lady wot walks wiv you wuold like to be bapptised?"

12. "Whom hath thou bapptised recently?" asks Eccles.

13. "We has done Gahndi, Buhdda, Mahommed, Atilla de Hun and Pop Pious X. Dey is now all good Momrons," saith de Momron, "but dey doesnt ware de magic undies like we does, of cuorse."

Gahndi

Dat's a pitcher of Gahndi, wot is now a Momron

14. And he spake the name of de magic undies; that is, de Abracada Bra, de Wonderbra and so on.

15.  But Anti Moly saith that she hath no wish to be bapptised, and they moved on in deir quest for de Cradinal known as Pell.

Sidney Cathedral

16. So dey came in due course to de Cathlic Cathedral of Sidney, wot is called St Mary's.

17. And dey saw dat de Easter Viggil Mass was gonna be cellebrated by Cradinal Goerge Pell, who got de job of carryin de Easter Candel into de Cathedral. Probabbly he gonna kiss it, as dat's wot Cathlics doth.

18. "We gonna attend dat!" shreiketh Anti Moly in glee, and she began to make her plans.

Here endeth de seckond chapter of de story of Eccles's voyage to Sidney.


Concluded here.