Liberal priests announce sex strike

In protest against the election of Donald Trump as president of the United States of America, many liberal priests have decided to join sex symbols such as Whoopi Goldberg (age 69, weight 69 stone) and Jane Fonda (age 86) in refusing to provide sexual services for the next 4 years.

"From now on I shall concentrate on eating - it worked for Arthur Roche."

Several leading Trumpophobes are LGBTSJ Jesuits, and it is believed that their leader has vowed "no woman shall know me in the Biblical sense for the next 4 years". Similarly, Cardinal Tobin has promised not to send dubious "Nighty-night" greetings to any women in this period.

Miss Greta Luce (age 21 but looks much younger) has also undertaken to remain chaste in solidarity with the liberal priests "although what the Vatican Anime Dicastery chooses to do with my image is beyond my control."

What could possibly go wrong?

So what will these virtuous religious leaders find to occupy their time? Kenotic decentering is very popular in some circles, and athletes of synodality find that sitting round a table for weeks on end helps dispel impure thoughts. We wish them luck in this new endeavour.

The Synod of Comics and the Synod of Despots

As a by-product of the Synod on Synodal Synodality, Pope Francis is enjoying synods so much that he decided to hold two more.

Getting ready for some kenotic decentering.

First, the Synod of Comics. A bit of a mixed bunch here - Fr James Martin LGBTSJ made the cut, but Austen Ivereigh didn't. Then Stephen Colbert, was there, chosen for being Catholic but not too Catholic, and certainly not too funny.

Colbert likes to needle people.

Also Whoopi Goldberg is about as anti-Catholic as they come. But she will be walking with the rest (or perhaps waddling), all the while looking for a new way of being Church. Oh, that's enough, let's move on to the synod of despots.

"Could you jump-start my brain, please? The battery's flat."

All the great world leaders - by which we mean acolytes of Soros, Schwab and Gates etc. - will be attending the synod of despots. Well not all - you would expect to see despots such as Arthur Roche and Victor Fernández attending, but Uncle Arthur dropped out when he was told there would be no cake, while Tucho was told he would not be allowed to kiss anyone, not even Ursula von der Leyen.

"How nice to meet someone who's even more unpopular than I am!"

Of course, Pope Francis will be at both synods. His own Amoris Laetitia is packed with jokes as funny as anything Colbert ever said, while his despotic skills have never been questioned.

Well, that will take people's attention away from Rupnik, won't it?