This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday 24 February 2018

Charity accuses "transpotphobic" teacher of hate crime

It is worrying to read that the charity "Teasmades" has called the police after a teacher refused to acknowledge one of his pupils as "transpotted".


The Director of Teasmades.

The Catholic (and indeed medical) position is clear. Many children go through a phase of singing the immortal hymn "I'm a little teapot, Short and stout. Here's my handle, Here's my spout" (arr. Dan Schutte), and this leads some of them to believe for a while that they are in fact teapots. But transpotterism is a psychological condition, and there is no way that such kids can really be teapots.

I'm a teapot kids

Should these kids be given surgery to fit handles and spouts?

The Catholic Catechism (based on quotations from the book of He-brews) is clear. Transpotted children and adults should be treated sympathetically: for example it is not permissible to describe them as "potty". Teasmades, however, is going too far in saying that they should be encouraged in their fantasies, and describing it as a "hate crime" when someone refuses to buy into such delusions.

James Martin

"I'd rather have a cuppa!" Fr James Martin SJ wants to put the "tea" in LGBT.

Under the Equality Act, schools have a duty to accommodate transpotted children, for example by providing them with cosies, and places where they can pour out their troubles. This does not include medication, such as injections of tannin, as it would clearly be wrong to mess around with young children's biological make-up. As for surgically fitting them with handles and spouts - an operation available on the National Health Service - this should clearly be forbidden to children, and discouraged in general.

Trudeau dancing

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is a famous "transpot". It may explain a lot.


  1. My grandmother aunty mother siblings children and myself all sang the teapot song. None of us ever wanted to be or thought we were teapots.My sister thought she was a saint because she had matching freckles on both feet thinking it was a stigmata but Granny put her right on this one(with threats of the wooden spoon if she ever heard such nonsense again) If any of us had an intention of becoming ceramic Granny would have single handedly taken a sledge hammer to every pottery kiln in the land. She had zero tolerance for nonsense and like all good Catholic grannies of that generation had no doubt about how things should be, especially Catholic things:)

  2. I must have too many Catholic songs when I was very small, because I began to say Mass in my room (I used a large Grimms Fairy Tales for my missal, isn't that funny) but couldn't decide to be the priest or the altar boy. Since I wasn't counseled properly I just drifted back to being a pony solider at Fort Apache. (Well that's what was on TV). Happy trails to you all.

  3. My news aggregators had each of them failed to inform me about JT's condition-- it does explain so much; we are to deduce that transpotterism descends in the male line? this would then explain a great deal about il Lider Maximo (and his brother), whose aversion to coffee was for so long inexplicable.

  4. My teapots and I have been brewing over this post. Unfortunately, they are largely illiterate, able only to read the letter T, but they took a keen interest in the pictures.

    The dark green pot started emitting indecent amounts of steam at the sight of the Director of Teasmades in her bri-nylon nightie; the rotund pale blue one saw the three little future tea ladies, fluffed up her cosy, came over all maternal and started demanding extra milk and sugar for them.

    They were unanimous when it came to pictures 3 and 4, though. Those two blokes are definitely cracked.

  5. The High Director of the Society of Insane Psychologists has decreed that no member of his society may take part in any form of counselling which seeks to remove feelings of transpotterism from anybody who self-identifies as a teapot. Any member found offering such services will immediately be sent to a special camp where he will be offered the opportunity to reconsider his position.