This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Thursday, 21 June 2018

Francis admits "I didn't know I was the Pope."

After denying receiving any complaints about the activities of Bishop Barros in Chile, and now, most recently having denied receiving the five Dubia from Cardinal Burke and colleagues, Pope Francis has finally come up with a convincing explanation.

"Until I read the news in the paper," he explained, "I did not realise I was the Pope. They told me that, since I was so unpopular in Argentina, I should take a sabbatical in Rome, but I never imagined that I held the top job. Imagine my surprise when the Tablet announced that I was the Pope!"

Pope Francis covered up

"Dubia? I see no Dubia."

Apparently there was a large pile of unanswered letters of complaint, demands for clarification, and more, all addressed to "THE POPE", and Francis had been wondering for five years why nobody had opened them. "The same goes for electricity and gas bills," he added. "We've been sitting in the dark for several years, and living on takeaways, since the electricity and gas were turned off. Whenever the Pope, whoever he is, turns up, I hope he will take some action, such as excommunicating members of the Rome Power Company."

The Pope's admission has at least quelled suspicions that Cardinal Baldisseri, the well-known collector of other people's books, had been suppressing the Pope's post. Baldisseri himself admitted that he was too busy manipulating the forthcoming Synod on Yoof in Rome. "I've already worked out what the young people will decide," he explained, "and I haven't even had to meet any. How would I possibly have had time to look at the Pope's correspondence?"

LATE NEWS: God claims: "I never received any prayers from Pope Francis, I just read about them in the newspaper."


  1. Frankly, I'm relieved! So he really is that sweet old fellow we were hoping for when he stumbled out on the loggia.

  2. Hope we get a another pope soon.

  3. The headline was like something from the onion.

    1. Is that supposed to be a compliment or an insult?

  4. Thanks for the LOL moment! Come to think of it, the way he 'stumbled out' onto the Logia, maybe he was shoved out by Cdl. Daneels and associates, so.....he thought he'd wave and say 'Good Evening' to the folks.