This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 25 March 2020

Mother Nature throws a tantrum

Some readers may have heard of a nasty virus that is going the rounds at present, and wondered why this has been sent to us. Is it a punishment for eating too many bats? Is it the result of a biological experiment that went wrong? Perhaps God has decided to smite us for worshipping Pachamama, organizing LGBT "retreats", or simply trying to change the words of the Lord's Prayer?

No, you're all wrong. According to a well-known Catholic, Pope Francis, it is Mother Nature throwing a tantrum.


Mother Nature throws a tantrum.

This all seems so dreadfully unfair. We have all bowed down to Mother Nature. Why we even had a special synod at which idols of Pachamama (identified by some as a symbol of the Nature, and by others (Austen Ivereigh) as the Virgin Mary) were treated with great respect.

We have canonized her prophet, St Greta the Absurd, who has shown her holy nature by contracting the Coronavirus and recovering from it in 50 minutes.

Greta miracle

The Miracle of St Greta the Absurd.

No, but you know who is to blame for the pandemic. It was Baron Alexander von Tschugguel zu Tramin, the human fiend who gave the Pachamama idols an early bath. (He was punished for his blasphemy by catching the illness himself, but now seems to be on the mend.)

Austen slanders

St Austen the even more absurd weighs in.

Anyway, you have been warned. Do not offend Mother Nature. Remember that, apart from Amoris Laetitia, the sacred encyclical Laudato Si' is the greatest work of Catholic theology to be written since Vatican II told us to throw away our Latin texts and take up liturgical dancing.

Forget the Annunciation: there's a new Mother on the block!


It's no coincidence that Pope Francis dresses like a druid.

UPDATE: Mother Nature has been sent to her room, without any dinner. Any more human race-destroying tantrums and we'll tell her to tidy up the Earth!


  1. In all seriousness I find it quite extraordinary that Austen Ivereigh should refer, publicly, to Tschugguel as an Austrian Fascist. Having met him once or twice and had dealings with him when he was Public Affairs Officer for Cardinal Cormac Murphy O'Connor I am absolutely astounded that he should sink to that level. I can only assume that he is becoming desperate in his role of adulator of Pope Francis.

    1. An awful lot of these characters surrounding Pope Francis seem obsessed with large intestines.

  2. >According to a well-known Catholic, Pope Francis
    [citation needed]

  3. " colonic irrigation " Well, he did remove a spiritual blockage from the bowels of the Church.

  4. Deer Venerable Eccles,
    Promptied by needing to explain to my blogue readers the curious language that Jabba used when corresponding with my donkey, referring to me as "De Pesent", I have had to write de embarrassing history of the sockpuppet infestation on de Damien Thompson blog, admit my part in it, and how in 2010 de Bruvver Eccles blogue became de first ever known sockpuppet wot was de scourge of de English Catholic hierarchy.

    But I managed it all in one very clearly communicated blog post. Since I did it over breakfast becuse we has no newspapers in de lock-down in Spain, and I needed a distraction in order eat my home-made marmalade wot requires interminable mastication, it wasn't as much of a waste of my time as you might think.

    Nobody says to me any more, when I is writtin rubish: "You got too much time on your hands." That's one benefit of a lock-down: you can writ all the rubish you likes and people reads it and is quite understanding. And you doesn't even need to reduce the word-length any more to stop losing readers, cos they wants all the rubish they can get. But I is not one to give you advice and you have known that for ten years.

    In my blogue post I tells people how we once had a freud over some disgreements, but you now lets me post rubish on your blogue, wot is very kind. On the other hand you never restored the link to de donkey blogue. Is that becuse you is alergic to de donks or becuse I is a heteric? It is time to bury the hatchback: it was all a storm in a teatowel anyway.

    Your satirical admirer, De Pesent
    Wot wos once a Frere Rabit

    1. Yeah, OK, Pesent. I've put the link back. Stay saved,

  5. Wot a good sockpuppet you is. :-)

    1. It's still displaying too large. I'll put it back in the list once I've found a solution.