In the first issue of the new soaraway Catholic Hello! we shall see:
* Top Catholic Ted McCarrick shows us round his delightful beach house.
* Vatican expert Cardinal Coccopalmerio advises us on the best way to get "high".
* Cardinal Kasper tells us of six new heresies that he thought of before breakfast.
Pope Francis advises us on protective masks against the Corona virus.
* Father James Martin SJ demonstrates some of the main postures used in Ignatian Yoga, and invites us to a Catholic LGBT retreat in San Francisco.
* Top dictator Xi Jinping explains how Chinese Catholics can be "good citizens" (© Pope Francis), and shows us round the charming labour camps where the less good citizens are being made comfortable.
"I was only a 7-stone weaking until I discovered Catholicism."
* England's worst bishop, John Arnold, asks "Is Greta Thunberg the new St Bernadette?"
* Celebrity biographer Austen Ivereigh guides us round his extensive collection of Pachamama idols.
* Finally, we ask, how will top Catholic sex symbols Joe Biden and Massimo Faggioli be celebrating Amoris Laetitia week (formerly called Holy Week)?