Where has all de Cathlics gone?

Dat's a photto of Prince Chalres. Anti Moly is very excitted cos he and Camila is comin to Austriala as part of de celebratoins of de Jubillee. "I was hoppin for Prince Phillip, as I fink he's a charmin yuong man," she said, "but Chalres will do instead. Dis is a very thuoghtful man, and maybe he can do somefink about dem possums dat is tormentin me. Dey is keepin me awake all night, jumpin up and down on de roof, so I can't sleep, and I is obligged to stay up bloggin till dawn."

What's more she is frustratted as she cant find any more Cathlics to insullt. Dey has all gone off to an unknown destinnatoin. "Dey're hidin somewhere, I knows it!" she shouts. "Eccles, just check under de bed in case dere is a fannatical traddy clique hidin dere, will you?"

She was very cross wiv me, cos I buoght some banananas from a man in de street. For some reasons she didn't like dem.

"Eccles, hasnt you reallised dat dem's traddy banananas, grown on de Pop's pussonal slave plantatoins, where wommen is explioted, while de missogynist men sits aruond playin cards?" she asked me. I mannaged to run out of de room before she cuold tell me it was woful.

We has had to return little Markus de boy scuot to de orphannage, so dat Anti and me can make an expeditoin to Sidney, but he is feelin very pleased wiv hisself, cos Uncle Dakwins has given him some more badges.

"Dis one is for mentoinin Spinozza on a blogg. I fuoght he was a sort of washin-machine, but Uncle Richard says he is a ratoinalist, like me, which means he is much clevverer dan dem bronze age people wot believed in sky farries," he said. "Next week I is gonna get annuvver badge if I can read a page of Bertram Russell wivvout fallin asleep."

Dat's a pitcher of Spinozza bein ratoinal, he's finkin hard and havvin a meltdown like Anti Moly.

Finally I has got some news of my dere bruvver Bosco. Since he posted on dis blogg sayin dat he was gonna train as a 90th degree freemasson warrlock, his studdies has been goin very well. He tells me dat he is alreddy at de 5th degree, and will soon be reddy to drink de blud of babbies, scarifice vergins, and pioson little old laddies. He has got a schollarship from de Obamma fuondatoin for his studdies - apparently Pressident Obamma is very keen on fings like dat, cos dey annoys de Cathlics.

Dat's Bosco's homework project, dey has to use up some spare parts and make somefink wiv dem. I fink it cuold be a new luv interrest for Anti Moly - frankly, I fink he's more her type dan Cradinal Pell is.

Lookin after a boy scuot

De Flamfrowers Club, wot Anti Moly is a member of, telephonned us and said "Can you help us? We gotta very keen athiest kid here, whose uncle sent him from Enggland to braoden his educkatoin and keep him away from Cathlics. Has you got any room in your huose to put him up for a few days?"

"Yup, I spose so," said Anti Moly. "Dere's only my stuppid nehpew Eccles stayin here at present, and he sleeps in a dog kenell in de garden."

I dont fink my Anti Moly was bein very nice to her darlin nehpew, and we doesnt need anuvver unsaved pusson in de huose, but anyways, de kid came round to stay wiv us.

Dat's a photto of me, Eccles, and de kid, who is called Markus "Bluebottle" Enstein, his uncle is de famuous proffesor Dakwins, wot has got his own blogg like me, it's called we.worshipps.dakwins.com. Dey has now got a hard-hittin campaing goin on called "OUT" wiv clever sloggans like "It's a wash OUT," "We's been cauhgt OUT," and "I'm a drop OUT."

Little Markus pruodly showed me a photto of his uncle, dressed in de academick dress of Oxford Univeristy, where he is de proffesor of knowin a lot about everyfink.

Anti Moly aint bein a grate deal of help in lookin after little Markus (I dont fink dat 11-year-old kids orta stay up until 5 a.m., and den be givven gin on dere brekfast serials) so I has been keepin an eye on him. Markus said dat one fing he's been told to do while he's in Pottymouth is to join de boy scuot troop and convert dem all to athiesm.

"Has you got a woggle?" I asked Markus.
"Nope, Eggles," he repplied, "I just walks dis way cos I has a blister on my foot."

Markus aint very good wiv names, he calls me Eggles, and my dere sennile rellative is Anti Moley. Dere aint a boy scuot bagde for gettin people's names rihgt, but he when he was in Oxford he won bagdes for "Brakin wind in a Cathlic churhc," "Makin faces at de Pop" (on tellevisoin) and "Writin a powerfull and hard-hittin contributoin to de we.worshipps.dakwins.com blogg sayin dat all Cathlic preists is pevrets." Did I mentoin dat Uncle Dakwins is de scuot master and decides wot bagdes dey gives out?

Well, Anti is gettin restless. When she aint screemin at de Interrnet, she been passin de time by watchin tellevisoin and goin "ROFL" at pitchers of car crashes and poeple bein injurred in earthqaukes. It's good to have a hobby.

But I fink dat my Anti Moly is soon gonna want to go and look for Cradinal Pell, I fuond dis card lyin on de table, so maybe she is preparin to suprise him on Vallentin's Day.