This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Thursday, 26 January 2012

Lookin after a boy scuot

De Flamfrowers Club, wot Anti Moly is a member of, telephonned us and said "Can you help us? We gotta very keen athiest kid here, whose uncle sent him from Enggland to braoden his educkatoin and keep him away from Cathlics. Has you got any room in your huose to put him up for a few days?"

"Yup, I spose so," said Anti Moly. "Dere's only my stuppid nehpew Eccles stayin here at present, and he sleeps in a dog kenell in de garden."

I dont fink my Anti Moly was bein very nice to her darlin nehpew, and we doesnt need anuvver unsaved pusson in de huose, but anyways, de kid came round to stay wiv us.

Eccles and Markus

Dat's a photto of me, Eccles, and de kid, who is called Markus "Bluebottle" Enstein, his uncle is de famuous proffesor Dakwins, wot has got his own blogg like me, it's called Dey has now got a hard-hittin campaing goin on called "OUT" wiv clever sloggans like "It's a wash OUT," "We's been cauhgt OUT," and "I'm a drop OUT."

Little Markus pruodly showed me a photto of his uncle, dressed in de academick dress of Oxford Univeristy, where he is de proffesor of knowin a lot about everyfink.


Anti Moly aint bein a grate deal of help in lookin after little Markus (I dont fink dat 11-year-old kids orta stay up until 5 a.m., and den be givven gin on dere brekfast serials) so I has been keepin an eye on him. Markus said dat one fing he's been told to do while he's in Pottymouth is to join de boy scuot troop and convert dem all to athiesm.

"Has you got a woggle?" I asked Markus.
"Nope, Eggles," he repplied, "I just walks dis way cos I has a blister on my foot."

Markus aint very good wiv names, he calls me Eggles, and my dere sennile rellative is Anti Moley. Dere aint a boy scuot bagde for gettin people's names rihgt, but he when he was in Oxford he won bagdes for "Brakin wind in a Cathlic churhc," "Makin faces at de Pop" (on tellevisoin) and "Writin a powerfull and hard-hittin contributoin to de blogg sayin dat all Cathlic preists is pevrets." Did I mentoin dat Uncle Dakwins is de scuot master and decides wot bagdes dey gives out?

Dakwins de scuotmaster

Well, Anti is gettin restless. When she aint screemin at de Interrnet, she been passin de time by watchin tellevisoin and goin "ROFL" at pitchers of car crashes and poeple bein injurred in earthqaukes. It's good to have a hobby.

Moly luvs George

But I fink dat my Anti Moly is soon gonna want to go and look for Cradinal Pell, I fuond dis card lyin on de table, so maybe she is preparin to suprise him on Vallentin's Day.


  1. Judy Collyer (aka molybdenite, Judy8, Alfred Haddock) is a supporter of the ultimate child abuse: child murder.

    This member of the Flamethrowers atheist wrecking sect is poisoning the Damian Thompson blog with murderous views directed against the unborn children of God's creation.

    She is a menace and she needs to begin reflecting on her position. An old woman facing her Maker should be more circumspect. Advocating child murder is a little unwise, is it not?

    And this is the same Judy Collyer who rails on about child abuse in the Catholic Church? Please.... !

    1. Um, dat sure is strange, cos when she was yuonger she was very pro-life. When she was two her muvver went to see de doctor to ask for a "ternimation" but Anti Moly said dat she didnt want to be ternimated.

      De doctor said he understood de problems her muvver was goin frew (and cuold he stop dis kid bitin his ankle?) but it was just "de terrible twos." Since den we has had de terrible frees, de terrible fours, ..., right up to de terrible nineties and beyond.

  2. Have Anti Moly enny veiuws on youther nay zia ?

  3. Little wee Markus Drivel is one of the Dawkwinge 'Flamethrowers' who lurks on the Damian Thompson blog, waiting to pounce on anything said by a Catholic. He writes all this atheist stuff at work using his employer's computer. He said so recently on the Dawkwinge site.

    He does that but makes scathing comments about Catholics' morals. What a confused little fellow...

    1. The man in the pew might be moral, but the cult they and you belong to is amoral. And you know it but chose to stay in it. That makes you amoral. And a fool. To miss salvation because you love to stare at a golden cup.

  4. Dear Eccles, this was muddlerated off Damain's blogg. Can I post it here? Thanks.


    Inspired by Bernadette, let me add a little contribution aiming to fill the blogging gap left by Damian.

    JOHANN HARI -- DONTCHAHATEHIM? The man is a complete wretch, he edits Wikipedia entries, he makes up quotes in interviews and he's got bad hair. Ugh, what a loser.

    VINCENT NICHOLS -- WHAT A FAILURE. The man's been at Westminster for (Will, could you look this up please?) years and the Pope still hasn't made him a Cardinal. Can excommunication be far away?

    THE ORDINARIATE -- GIVE IT A HOME. So far it's been offered the use of a tatty shed in Belfast, but this isn't good enough. Time to give it a permanent home in London -- how about the Gherkin?

    OPUS DEI -- WHAT A SINISTER ORGANIZATION. Since I wrote a hard-hitting exposé of their practices, they have performed a series of dirty tricks against me. My fridge has broken down and three lightbulbs have blown -- are you telling me that this is a coincidence?

    ROWAN WILLIAMS -- HOW CRAZY HE LOOKS. Have you seen my silly photo of him? How can such a clown pretend to lead the Church of England, when he can't even shave? Buzz off, Grandad!

    I LIKE MUSIC. The little-known 17th century Armenian composer Madeupnamian wrote 200 Masses, none of which were ever performed or recorded. So that's bad luck, isn't it?

    1. Yup, dat's fine, Hammish, and pretty indistingiushable from de reel fing.