As the publishers of your book Why Catholics are right, we have received with perplexity the news that you have left the Catholic Church (again), and have signed up for the Anglican Church of Canada.
This would seem like a golden opportunity to revise your brilliant book, and the first task is to find a new title. Do you prefer Why Catholics are wrong or Why Canadian Anglicans are right? We suspect that the first title will sell more copies, as nobody really cares what the Canadian Anglicans believe, if, in fact they believe anything at all.
We won't pulp our remaining stock, in case you change your mind again.
Getting down to details, now, we wonder what edits will be needed to update the book. Here are a few suggestions.
OLD: The Virgin Mary is really cool, don't you think? Respect for her is a sign that we respect all women.
NEW: Anne Boleyn is really cool, don't you think? Certainly worth founding a church for!
Our founder loved her so much that he cut her head off.
OLD: The Spanish Inquisition wasn't that bad, you know. The French Revolution was far worse.
NEW: The Canadian Anglican Inquisition wasn't that bad, you know. In fact they mainly went around cutting down trees.
Nobody expects the Canadian Anglican Inquisition!
OLD: Christ said that marriage should be between a man and a woman. And we Catholics think He was probably right.
NEW: If it's one things we Anglicans believe in, it's equal wedding cakes for all.
Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man. Bake me a cake OR I'LL RUIN YOU.
There will doubtless be more substantial changes required, but I hope that these suggestions meet with your general approval.
Yours sincerely,
Fred Apostate,
Managing Director, Apostate and Heretic Books.
P.S. You are still one of our best-selling comic authors!
