The Arthur Roche Thanksgiving Mass

The scene: Leeds Cathedral, Yorkshire.

The date: Monday 14th November 2022.

The event: A thanksgiving mass to celebrate the elevation of the former Leeds bishop Arthur Roche to greatness (or at least the college of cardinals).

Present: Just about all the Catholic bishops of England and Wales...

The great man is truly sorry for the pain felt by traditional worshippers.

Unfortunately, the Livestream wasn't working (this is true, like everything else so far in this post), so we can only reconstruct the event ourselves...

The event was well-attended. The congregation included numerous members of the Latin Mass Society, all wearing their "SAVE THE TLM" tee-shirts; also, some of Uncle Arthur's best friends from Leeds: the LADHISS (Leeds and District Heavyweight Ice-Skating Society), and various vendors of cakes, puddings, and pies (now fallen on hard times since our hero left).

Luckily, one can also buy light snacks in Rome.

Some mischievous person switched all the books, so that Roche might have had to offer a TLM rather than a Novus Ordo Mass, but the great man was not phased out by this and managed to improvise a NO service.

Then, when it came to the part of the service where the cardinal said "With Francis our Pope and Me, your unworthy servant", a great cry of "YES!" went out from the congregation - which somehow failed to please Uncle Arthur.

Anyway, a good time was had by all, and the Leeds United fans who carried Uncle Arthur head-high from the cathedral and dumped him in the River Aire have been severely reprimanded.

An army marches on its stomach.

The LMS Pilgrimage to Walsingham

The Latin Mass Society pilgrimage from Ely to Walsingham took place from the 22nd to 24th August. The big question on everyone's lips was "Venietne Frater Eccles?" or "Will Bruvver Eccles be coming?" Well, here is my account of the proceedings, and you can judge for yourselves.

Eccles and friends on the pilgrimage.

For me the pilgrimage was an opportunity of meeting several legendary figures for the first time. Dr Joseph Shaw, the LMS Chairman, had invited along his great friend Mgr Basil Loftus - at 103 he was the oldest participant - although Basil is no friend of Latin! "A priori, I may be persona non grata!" he admitted. "But I am coming along to meet the dramatis personæ, and, at the end, to say Veni, Vidi, Vici! even though the use of Latin is infra dignitatem!" He went on to say that God, having no supernatural language-learning abilities, could not possibly understand Latin.

The shirt I was wearing.

Another surprise participant was Michael Campbell, the bishop of Lancaster. He was very keen on having his photograph taken dozens of times, so that he could post the results on his blog, along with all the other remarkably devout things he had been doing in August (Blackpool is such a spiritually nourishing place for a holiday). However, our friend +Campbell dropped out at an early stage, saying that he needed a spot of prayer and reflection.

A place for prayer and reflection!

I had hoped to see Fr Tim Finigan, but he sent his apologies, as he was packing in readiness for his move to Margate. I tried to persuade him that there was no need to take his vast collection of old copies of the Tablet with him, but he felt he could not live without them. Luckily, we did have Father John Zuhlsdorf walking with is, toting his trusty automatic, so that we received no attacks from those vicious gangs of Anglican ladies that roam the Norfolk countryside.

We were really honoured to see Professor Tina Beattie on our expedition. Admittedly, she complained non-stop about the absence of women priests on the pilgrimage, and asked Dr Shaw whether adequate arrangement for contraception and abortion on the walk had been made. I did not hear Dr Shaw's reply.

Walsingham! We ask a local resident for directions.

Well, that's it, really. A good time was had by all, and Damian Thompson - a mere spectator - was waiting in Walsingham to welcome us with a supply of nourishing cupcakes and custard. I think all this circumstantial detail proves that I was definitely present, even if I had doffed my usual red biretta for the occasion.