This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday, 20 March 2018

Who wrote that book about the Pope?

At last the secret is out, and we can reveal who wrote that notorious book about the Pope, a best-seller that has brought its author riches beyond the dream of avarice.

The book in question is, of course, "Pope Francis, the Great Reformer." It told of Francis's rise to power in Peronist Argentina, and how it affected his career. The author chose to publish the book under an obvious false name - Austen Ivereigh - as plausible an alias as Brontë Tusk, Eliot Gnashers, or Dickens Heffalump. Did he fear reprisals?

The Great Reformer

Sorry, wrong picture.

All we knew about the author was that he was some sort of Catholic journalist, with a gift for clunky prose and very liberal ideas. It seemed that he had spent some time in Argentina, but was now based in the UK. Somebody leaked the information that he ran some sort of dictatorship, the Kingdom of Voices, where his lackeys addressed him as "Sire".

There was no limit to his boldness. He once presented Pope Francis with a copy of the controversial book, taking care to disguise himself as Ronnie Corbett, before melting into the crowd.

Ivereigh and the Pope

Austen Ivereigh in disguise. Is he really a six-foot blonde woman?

But in the end, the secret could be kept no longer. The brilliant Vatican secret police tracked down the real Austen Ivereigh, and it turned out to be

Sorry, that's all we've got time for.


  1. hmmm LOL I wonder if Anti might know?

  2. stay outta this Anti...if ya ever want Dame of Malta on yure CV.

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. The book's real title is The Dictator Dope

  4. Come on guys! The Dictator Pope is an autobiography.

    1. Marcantonio Colonna: "marcantonio" means big guy, ask any Roman. Colonna means, guess what, column. Big Guy Column, the big guy who sustains the weight of the whole church. Yes that would be Jesus, but that's for actual Catholics. For everybody else, it's the Pope.

    And what about the content? Clearly meant to reinforce the public image of the pope, underlining only positive aspects of His pontificate.

    Come on, even Bosco could have guessed it.

  5. More to the point which of those eleven books did Eccles write?

  6. I suggested on Hunwicke's site that Sire was a ridiculous looking figure. I put this down to Sire's age, ugliness and dodgy jackets. JH refused to publish. Presumably because Sire was a member of "this university". I am beginning to think that WWIII might be a good idea after all.

    Over to you Vlad!

  7. Have a blessed Holy week and Easter.