This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday, 2 September 2019

Pope Francis is stuck in the lift (elevator)

Shortly before issuing a list of new cardinals which exceeds all previous lists in absurdity (a bunch of homosexual activists, left-wing agitators, freaks, gnomes, toads, creeps and weirdos unparalleled since the time when Cupich was given a red hat), Pope Francis was apparently stuck in a lift for 25 minutes. The stress of this experience is maybe what caused him to muddle up two lists he was keeping - one of people to excommunicate and one of people to raise to cardinal.

Pope, lift

"Going down..."

Now, I know that I was seen in the Vatican today, optimistically pushing several lift buttons at once, but I must reassure you that I had nothing to do with Pope Francis's mishap. As in the 2013 Conclave we should thank the Holy Spirit for stepping in.

This is not the first time that the Holy Spirit has given a Pope a warning just as he was about to do something rash. Back in 2000, Pope John-Paul II was trapped in a broom cupboard for hours, just as he was about to issue a list of new cardinals containing the name of Jorge Bergoglio. However, he did not realize that this was a sign from above, and went ahead regardless.

Jean-Paul II, Francis

"No, no, Holy Father, I'm sure it wasn't a sign."

Going further back, Pope John XXIII was trapped in the toilet for six days in 1959, emerging to call the 2nd Vatican Council. Was his incarceration a sign from Heaven that it would bring trouble?

The saintly pope's experiences were commemorated in a song, which later became one of Marty Haugen's greatest hits:

"Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Pope John is stuck in the lavatory.
He has been there from Monday till Saturday.
Nobody knew he was there."
Still, not all mishaps suffered by popes are necessarily warnings that they are about to do something rash. But in the case of Pope Francis, there is little doubt (and he has received too few warnings).

Pope, windy

... and there came a mighty rushing wind...


  1. Sadly, Pope Francis's unfortunate experience failed to elevate his understanding and lift his spirits...

  2. Is this that "elevation theology" I keep on hearing about ?

  3. sites like these are also the problem with the Church today, bitter conservative Catholics who hate the Holy Father and create these blogs to demean his character

  4. Now now, Mr Callaghan... Your true colors are showing through your new Amazon loincloth. Be honest. You just want women to run around bare breasted and are frightened that that might not become a reality for you.

  5. Shouldn't His Holiness be using a paternoster instead of a lift?