Judges

We continue with the Eccles Bible project, a crash course on the Bible intended for mad zoologists ill-educated atheists. Now, somewhere between 1400 BC and 1050 BC, we continue to study Israelite history, as they entrust their safety to a series of rulers, referred to as Judges.

Nowadays it's unlikely that a society would entrust itself to a judge.

Once again the basic theme is that Israel gets into trouble with its enemies, calls on God (Yahweh), and then gets itself out of the mess with the help of a new mighty leader.

It's hard to think that a mighty leader might be called Barak.

So Deborah and her side-kick Barak provide some memorable leadership, defeating the Canaanite armies led by Sisera; they are given useful help by Jael, who hammers a tent peg into Sisera's head.

It was considered unwise to go on a camping holiday with Jael.

Gideon is another mighty leader with a somewhat inappropriate name, but let's pass on that one, and take a look at Samson.

Samson (post-haircut) sings "Why, why, why, Delilah?"

Samson starts off as a sort of superhero, able to wrestle lions, slay an army with the jawbone of a donkey - somewhere there is a donkey wandering around whose braying skills are severely hampered - and knock down temples etc. But he is also amazingly STUPID, as when Delilah asks him for advice on how to take his strength away from him, he actually tells her. Yes, she gives him a "Damian Thompson" haircut.

... and if that doesn't work, you can always kill me with green Kryptonite.

Well, Richard, this book consists mainly of history (and some cracking good stories), but it's a bit light on spiritual nourishment, so don't worry too much about it. Although it starts with Adonibezek having his thumbs and his big toes cut off, and ends with the fate of the four hundred young virgins of Jabeshgilead, this is not really the point. The real Christian teaching will come much later, although the next book (Ruth) may turn out to be a bit more edifying.

Adonibezek is unconvinced.

Sir Bosco

My bruvver Bosco got an interesstin letter from de Pop today, saying dat he has bin awardded a pappal knihgtood for services to de Cathlic churhc. I fink dat means we has to call him Sir Bosco from now on.

De Pop has awardded Sir Bosco de rare Order of St Ludicrus, for his luvvly blogg. As he explaned in de letter "Dear Bosco, by writtin your blogg you has done more for de cuase of Cathollicsim than anyone I know, and dat even includs Damain Thopmson (who is gonna get somefink a bit less prestiggious, de magic circle of St Vincent). We only has to read your blogg, Bosco, to see dat hatin Cathlics can lead to insannity. By de way I got a new book out, so dont forgit to buy lots of coppies as Christtmas pressents. Blessins upon you, my son. Ben PP. XVI."

Sir Bosco fought he might have to go to Rom to be invessted wiv de insingia to which he is entittled, but in fact some stuff came in de post. It wuold reely good if he cuold wear it wiv de clown costtume in de Calumny Chappel.

I was a little jaelous, as I is Sir Bosco's bruvver, and I has also got a blogg, but perhapps one day de Pop will recoggnise my litterary skills too.

Den we got anuvver letter to say dat de Pop had sent de wrong insingia by misstake. In fact Sir Bosco's gotta send back de silver badges, and de Pop wants him to wear a ball and chane round his anckle instead. Dis is Sir Bosco showin his new insingia to one of his admirring girlfiends.

Of cuorse, Sir Bosco aint gonna stop his hard-hitting cricketisms of de Cathlic churhc, just cos de Pop likes his blogg. He is still reedin lots of storries about de crimes of de Cathlics over de ages, and loves tellin poeple about em. For exammple, here is a pitcher of a Cathlic called Samson doing some vandallism to someone else's tempple, it mihgt even be de local Calumny Chappel. Dey is reely agressive, dem Cathlics. Wot's more, dey aint saved.