This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday, 11 February 2014

Why Vladimir Putin made me join Femen

Cristina Odone writes:

I loathe Vladimir Putin. Have you noticed how all Russian tyrants have names ending in -in? Lenin, Stalin, Putin, ... oh, and my friend Damian Thompson suggests Borodin. Well, there must be something in it.

Putin and Kirill

Wasn't Cristina Odone hilarious this week?

On the other hand, I admire Peter Tatchell for his uncompromising campaign to allow people to fly stripy flags at the Winter Olympics - I hope you're reading this, Mr MacGregor - and we won't talk about his attempts to reduce the age of consent!

So, having read of the Pussy Riots, and the activities of Femen, I am forced to choose. Do I stand up for orthodox Catholic teaching, and win the support of my old mates from the Catholic Herald? Or do I make myself the darling of the Guardian and the BBC, by joining Femen?


It's time to strip off!

The decision was clear. I could not be seen to be siding with Putin, so I had to side with the Pussy Riots - after all, I am a cat lover - and with Femen. You'll soon see me in Westminster Cathedral, shouting "Stripy flags for all!" And I'll bet that someone will soon come along with a stripy flag and cover me up!

Sally Bercow writes:

Cristina Odone's latest meltdown means that Edward Lucas has to go.

Eugh! Cristina Odone has gone too far. By her appalling writing, she has demeaned her husband's high office at the Economist, and trashed a good man's reputation - although, to be fair, Vladimir Putin doesn't seem to be too worried.


Take our advice, Cristina!

Why can she not act with dignity, as befits her position? You wouldn't catch me behaving like that! It is a scandal, and Edward Lucas should suffer the consequences and resign. If he cannot put his own house in order, how can he be trusted to advise the highest in the land from the exalted position he occupies?


  1. Darling eccles, Is Ms Odone aware that Mr Putin is not a Catholic? xx Jess

  2. Dear Sir,

    As a Catholic in good standing, an ACTA member, a bus pass holder, a tranvestite and a feminist, I entirely agree with your blog post. I intend to strip off at the next Fair Trade coffee morning and show everyone my nipples. Not much going on in ACTA at present, so let's get active on other fronts.

    Yours etc.,
    Squadron Leader Reginald Mass-Trousers, RAF Retd.

    1. Dear Reggie

      As a 5000 year old witch in good standing, I would not recommend going skyclad until Beltane (and this year, I may in any case be wearing a snorkel).

      On a happier note, the Alderley Edge Townswitches Guild has an introductory discount for A Call To Apostasy members, with a free gift of a full set of super-numerary nipples. You may choose to situate these on any part of the body, and in view of your intention to display them at a coffee morning, I suggest putting them mainly on your wrists, neck and those parts of your ankles just below the hem of your Mass trousers.
      Yours insincerely

  3. As some of the Catholic bishops, such as Diarmuid Martin, are saying homosexual "unions" are to be "celebrate[d]", does it follow that those who hate the Catholic Church ought to oppose homosexual relations ... ??? Mmm, let me see, doesn't really work ...

  4. What delightful looking ladies. Who are they and why do they have such odd beliefs?

    1. Oh no! not the "Independent"!

    2. Not the newspaper - it is in no sense independent.

  5. If we do not accept bare-breasted Femen ACTA rainbow-worshipping witch Bishops, we will be doomed to irrelevance in an ever-changing world.

    I also declare my full agreement with anyone who expresses the opposite opinion.

    Can I become the next Archlayman of Canterbury then ?