COMMUNISM You have two cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. BUREAUCRATISM You have two cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
These are cows.
Recent research has found some other ways of managing cows.
ANGLICANISM: You have two cows. They would like to marry, but this is not allowed. Still, you may bless their union. They have no calves.
ACTA: You have two elderly cows. They tell you they live in fear because the Vatican won't allow them to be ordained or to use contraception.
LITURGIST: You have two cows. The traditional advice is that they should say "Moo". However, you prefer the "modernist" translation, and encourage them to say "Baa".
A liturgist (L) training a cow to say "Baa".
ZUHLSDORFITE: You have two cows. You provide them with handguns, because they have a right to bear arms. When you go to milk them, they shoot you.
POPE FRANCISCAN: You have two cows. You are reported as saying that milking cows is simply a fashion. A month later, it is revealed that you said nothing of the kind.
DAWKINSITE: You have two test-tubes containing cow DNA. They don't seem to produce any milk, but then milk is a fictional concept created by faith-heads.
Stop worrying, there's probably no milk!
BLOGGER: You have two cows. They spend all their time getting into fights with other cows, and saying how much they hate them, before retiring to their shed in disgust.
CHUCK SMITHITE: You have two cows, and you send them to the Calvery Chapel (of course). They start to leave little piles of dung all over the place.
TABLETIST: You have two cows. You sell them a magazine which is supposed to be of interest to cows. They read it, and wonder why it contains so many articles on bullfighting and recipes for steak pie.
Milking a cow, the Hans Kühe way.
I am sure that my loyal readers (both of them) will have further suggestions.