This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Sunday, 9 February 2014

Cornwell cut off by a flood

Following a flood of hostile criticism, it has been announced that John Cornwell, whose work is sometimes known as "Hitler's Pap", is now completely cut off from reality.

Hitler's Pope

N.B. The picture shows Nuncio Pacelli in 1927. Hitler was out.

Efforts are being made to bail out Cornwell, but the tide is definitely flowing against him, and it may be months before he can get back on the rails; at present he is completely off-track. The latest deluge to hit Cornwell is attributed by some to a change in the climate of opinion; by others, to a natural downfall.

Pope St Pius X

Pope St Pius X - next for a hatchet job.

Amusingly described, variously, as a "Catholic", "historian" and "theologian", Cornwell has now been declared a complete disaster. His latest work, "The Dark Box" explains how Pope St Pius X encouraged children to go to confession; what a fiend that man was!

Naturally, the government and the environment agency are very concerned about the plight of Cornwell. Part of the problem is the collapse of the anti-Catholic line taken by Richard Dawlish, which has always looked to be on rather shaky foundations, and may not be worth trying to save.

Sontaran and Sarah-Jane

Eric Pickles discusses the plight of Cornwell.

Surprisingly, the general public is not worried about "losing" Cornwell. Said one sockpuppet that we interviewed: "Where would we be without Cornish Nasties and Clottish Dreams? But Cornwell is too remote from reality to be worth worrying about."


  1. As the waters are set to engulf parts of London , let us hope that they spare the great and ancient centre of learning at Roehampton.

  2. Well, yes, maybe... but the other Cornwall will say it's England that's been cut off by the floods.

  3. That dictator Cromwell is responsible for more than just blaming the pope but he also killed a lot of Irish people some time back. The new research findings above that he was Catholic is quite a shock considering he went to a Puritan church. Pope St Pius X condemned him in his encyclical accusing him of being "Lamentably Insane" and "Cromwellium Rerum". Good thing too.

  4. Does the Prince of Whales know?