This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Thursday 5 February 2015

Sex education for five-year-olds

It seems that my Mummy, today we played lesbians has been overtaken by events, since the present government now wants to give sex education to five-year-olds, and Labour even plans to inflict "LBGT" education on five-year-olds.

Frankenstein's lab

This is where babies come from these days!

Now that fewer and fewer kids are being produced by ordinary sexual relations between two adults of opposite sexes, and more are being produced in laboratories and clinics (anyone want some GM kids?) it is getting harder and harder to answer a five-year-old who asks "Where do babies come from?"

Mummy, was it the stork that brought me? Was I found under a gooseberry bush? Did Mummy and Daddy do something sensuous such as holding hands in the cinema? Or did Dr Frankenstein produce me in his laboratory? So many possible answers...

man and woman fighting

How babies used to be made.

The thinking behind Labour's proposed "LBGT" indoctrination programme is that kids are calling each other "gay" as an insult in the playground. Naturally, very few five-year-olds know much about sexual relationships unless they have been watching the BBC. (However, Iain Dale claims to have been "gay" since birth, which must have made his watching of the Teletubbies an unusually erotic experience.) From now on, kids will be encouraged to use more scientific terms of abuse such as "you're suffering from same-sex attraction, fish-face" or "your emotional gender does not match your biological gender, bozo."

lesbian lizard

When Jenny grew up, a lesbian lizard swept her off her feet.

But if unusual sexual relationships will soon be fully accepted by everyone, we shall have more opportunities to fall back on traditional insults, comparing kids to member of the new despised sections of society. "Christian", "Catholic", "Anglican", etc. "Mummy, the kids keep calling me a 'Tablet-reader'..." Or "Headmaster, my little boy came home in tears. The other kids were calling him a 'Member of Parliament'."

Here's how you can test your own political correctness. Do you agree that the scene below is perfectly normal, and that using "flowerpotman" as an insult is a homophobic hate crime? Of course you do.

Bill and Ben

What two men and a weed get up to in their spare time is no concern of ours!

Progress - ain't it grand?


  1. Since rabits is now hated and despised as a role model for Catholic family life, I couldn't possibly comment. But I will. Where the confusion of the Church leaves gaps in the spiritual armour, the exploiters of children, the denigrators of family life, and the perverts advocating any kind of degradation of human fullness "by consenting adults", will march to the devil's tune. The synod on the family is the gap in the armour.

  2. I understand that there are three meaning of the word gay 1. Happy cheerful 2 homosexual 3 Rubbish. All three are current. Has any one group the right to ban the other two?

  3. Good thinking. We in the rubbish community need to tolerate the other two groups.

  4. As an errant rubbisher, I agree with bruvver Eccles. Hear Hear Huzzah!
    Jim of Olym Plus I'm pushing 80 and probbly dont get a vote here.
    Gay, happy, droopy, rabbitty, whatever. I'm still happy wiv what I got.

  5. Emmm...what will become of me if I DON'T tolerate the other two groups? Just in case I don't, but I'm specifically saying that!

  6. Lent Beats the Gay Tendency movement.