This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday, 20 June 2016

Baroness Warsi quits the Catholic Church

In a stunning body-blow to the Catholic Church, Sayeeda Hussein Warsi, also known as Baroness Warsi, has announced that from now on she is joining the Muslims, acknowledging the prophet Mohammed as her redeemer and saviour. This high-profile defection is so calamitous that Cardinal Nichols will probably have to resign, and even the papacy itself is threatened.

The reasons given are that Warsi could no longer stand the hatred and nastiness she encountered in the Catholic Church. However, as far as we know she has never even met Fr Thomas Rosica, so it is not clear what the problem was.


"I'm not a turncoat," insists Baroness Warsi.

The most remarkable aspect of this defection is that - as with her high-profile "defection" on the Brexit referendum - nobody had the faintest idea that she was ever on the other side.

LATE NEWS: Baroness Warsi has spoken out again, saying, "From now on I identify as a woman, and anyone who refers to me as 'Fred Warsi' is guilty of a transphobic hate crime." The mother-of-one has made it clear that she is does not wish to be regarded as a member of the racist, xenophobic, nasty, male sex. In this case, we are happy to go along with her wishes.

Pope and tiger

"Don't worry, he only attacks Catholics."

In other news, the Pope has "defected" to the Catholic Church.


  1. Yep, Francis is completely safe from catholic-eating tiger, just look at her horrified expression when looking at the uncrucified Jesus with crossed arms in the pectoral cross.

  2. Didn't know she was Catholic. Was she trad or modern? Is she practising Muslim? If so how can she be expect to be treated as a person & female?

  3. "In other news, the Pope has "defected" to the Catholic Church."

    I think if you check the official transcript you will find that the allegations of this "defection" have now been denied on the authority of the Holy Father himself.

  4. Why is he called 'Holy Father'?

    1. Oh it's just an exclamatory form of greeting. Nothing to worry about.He's not holy, and, due to the invalidity of his supposed parents' marriage (as the marriages of most Catholics)he has no father and cannot become one.

  5. And it came to pass that when a certain Leavite called Lammy was heard to exclaim "Holy smoke"