This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 22 June 2016

The Book of Brexodus, Chapter 5

Continued from Chapter 4

1. So the great day approached, on which the children of Britain were to vote. Should they stay in EUgypt, or seek the promised land flowing with milk and honey?

2. And there spake out many learned people, some of whom wished to stay, and some to go.

3. For example, there was a man named John, also called Cleese, who wished to leave. Meeting some Germanites, he spake out, saying "Do not mention the war," and, on another occasion, said of his servant, "I'm sorry, he is from Bar-celona."

Fawlty Towers Germans

John preacheth to the Germanites.

4. While, on the other side, there was Edward, he that was known as Izzard, who wore a wondrous hat, but said nothing very memorable.

Izzard and Farage

Edward preacheth while dressed up as Eccles's Anti Moly.

5. However, following the tragic slaying of Jo Cox, the Remainites of Cam-aaron and the Leavites of Bosis came together in a show of unity, saying, "Now is the time to put aside our differences, and to speak peace one to another."

6. And this era of peace lasted for approximately five minutes.


A debate on the Common Agricultural Policy.

7. Then the people shouted out with a multitude of voices:

8. "The Leavites are traitors!" "The Remainites are frauds!"

9. "Cam-aaron is a cheat!" "Bosis is a liar!"

10. "The Leavites have got bad breath!" "The Remainites never wash their feet!"

11. "Vipers!" "Scorpions!" "Toads!" "Locusts!"


A typical Leavite/Remainite (you decide).

12. "If we remain, we shall be slaves!" "If we leave, we shall be ruined!"

13. "There will be war!" "There will be disease!" "There will be famine!" "There will be a lack of free bus passes!"

14. "Boil thy head!" "Shut thy gob!" "Stuff it!" "Bog off!"

15. And thus it was seen that the politicians, the celebrities (the actors, the footballers, and other leading opinion-formers), and even the bishops and professors, had finally learned how to act as adults.

Geldof v-sign

St Robert of Geldof discusseth fishing quotas.

16. In the words of the apostle Paul, "When I was a child, I spake as a child. But now that I am a man, I still speak as a child. So Nah, Nah, Nah to the lot of you!"

Continued in Chapter 6.


  1. Did nobody say the weather would be much worse if we left?

    1. Actually, George Osborne said, if we had the temerity to LEAVE, that we'd all get plagues of rats and boils on the bum.

      But, by that time, his credibility was as solid as Thomas The Tank Engine.

      So no-body gave him or his chums any further thought.

      It's called a Leadership Challenge.

      Watch this space.

      No wha' mean ?

      Innit ?

  2. If the worse happens and we're not allowed to LEAVE The Gravy Train (God forfend), can we, perhaps, go walkabout in the desert and follow the pillar of cloud and fire, like previously ?

    Let's hope a Moses appears and shows us the way to The Promised Land.

    If that doesn't work, I've got a one-way-ticket to Reykjavík in my pocket and I'll be ORF by next Saturday.

    Byeeee !!!

  3. It all come down to the free bus pass.

    Oh dear I haven't voted yet. Now what's the time. Where are my glasses?