This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday, 17 April 2017

Be nice to atheists at Easter

For once, an ecumenical post - no digs at Anglicans, Lutherans, Orthodox, etc. Not even Fr James Martin SJ. We're all in this together, folks.

Twitter is not the world - there are rumours that those things walking down the street are also human. If you prick them, do they not bleed? If you tickle them, do they not laugh? If you poison them, do they not die? (If you get into trouble testing this theory, I accept no responsibility.) Still, if the real world is anything like Twitter, there are a lot of very unhappy atheists wandering around at present.

Gary Lineker

An intellectual giant among atheists, seen in happier times.

The problem is, that there are two big celebrations going on this week:

1. Jesus Christ rising from the dead. Mankind redeemed. Life suddenly has a meaning.


2. Bunny rabbits. Chocolate eggs. Er, that's it. This is what my life has been leading up to.

So if you're stuck at party (2) and you see people at party (1). What do you do? Why you get cross and say things like:

Of course Jesus never existed. Or, if he did exist, his message was "Enjoy yourselves, folks" and he was probably an atheist. Nah nah nah, you never see accounts of the Resurrection written by people who said it didn't happen! Children are brainwashed. Tee, hee, hee, why shouldn't I choose Thor or the (ho, ho, ho) flying spaghetti monster instead?


This is the real alternative to Christianity, but it may be tactless to mention it.

I love that last argument. Suppose you want to go from London to Edinburgh? There are many wrong ways to do this:

1. Take the M23 to Brighton, then drive into the sea.

2. Get on a Circle Line train and go round and round until you are thrown off.

3. Take a United Airlines flight to New York. If you can.

4. Sit in a dark cupboard moaning "Edinburgh doesn't exist."

Since there are 99999 wrong ways to get to Edinburgh, this PROVES that there is no right way. Anyone you see driving up the A1, taking a train at King's Cross, or taking a flight advertised as going to Edinburgh, is just a deluded fool who believes in sky fairies / invisible friends / whatever the latest insult is.


Of course this place doesn't really exist!

For once, Richard Dawkins doesn't seem to have joined the atheists' grayling and gnashing of teeth about Easter. These days his atheism seems to be less obsessive than his dislike of Brexit, Trump, Muslims etc. and advertising some ghastly tour of the States that he is making - perhaps he is having second thoughts in his old age?

Anyway, have a happy Easter, dear grumpy atheists. Remember, this is the choice that faces you:

Peter and John

Peter and John heading for the biggest event in history.


multi-faith vegan egg-painting

The second-biggest event in history.


  1. I actually really love the wrong ways of getting to Edinburgh analogy. Happy Easter dear Eccles. So glad to have you back.

  2. I wish to protest your very Londoncentric view of how to get to Edinburgh. If one lived in Glasgow (unpleasant as that may sound), going Kings Cross to get to Edinburgh would be seriously eccentric.

    1. I once asked a Policeman in London's Trafalgar Square how I could get to Perth. He said: "Go to Heathrow Airport and get the 3 p.m. flight to Frankfurt, Germany, then get the 5 p.m. flight from Frankfurt to New Delhi . . ." I then interrupted him and said that I meant Perth, SCOTLAND, near Edinburgh !!!

      He groaned. Swore at me. Called me an idiot and regarded me as if I had two heads. He then said: "Get the 9 p.m. flight from New Delhi to London . . ."

  3. You sir may think you can still go round the circle line but I believe it is now hairdryer shape and has been for years. Get with the programme as Blessed Dave would say

  4. Dear Archdruid Eileen, With Network Rail engineering works in mind it might be the only way during Easter? I hope this helps?

  5. I thought the Multi Faith vegan egg painting do was a fake but on googling it I see that it is real. You couldn't make it up.
    Welcome back Eccles - have missed your humour during lent.
    And I have to admit that the archdruid has got a point! I have always guessed by his writings that Eccles lives down South probably in the A & B area so of course he looks at Britain from this perspective!

    1. How is it real?
      I went to three separate supermarkets and a farm, asking to buy some multi-faith-vegan-eggs for the event, found none. Apparently most eggs are agnostic, save for some, whose religion I won't mention, which were Laden with TNT.

  6. Happy Easter Eccles.

    I did both - celebration 1 and 2. Tsk, now you are going to think I have a propensity for Protestantism.I know a lot of Catholics who eat chocolate Easter eggs and those little horns growing out of their heads has nothing to do with it !

  7. Welcome back – with this and your other recent posts, clearly your Lenten abstinence has only sharpened your wits yet further!

    (PS. I hadn't previously heard of a "vegan egg". I'd never realised that lentils laid eggs. This blog is so educational!)

    1. No problem vegans painting eggs. They just are not allowed to eat them. Once painted, they could charitably donate them to those poor non-vegans.

  8. @bob: Sadly, you are right. And yet they refuse to rename it the Hairdryer Line. Yet more evidence, were it needed, of declining standards.

  9. Sadly I missed the Vegan do at Hackney Wick.

    But how I wish one COULD go round and round on the Circle Line. Reformers obviously considered such a thing too trad, and you know the rest.


  10. Sadly I missed the vegan do at Hackney Wick. But how I wish one could still go round and round on the Circle Line. Some reformers obviously considered that too trad and, well, you know the rest...