Do you have a crucifix handy? This can be used to deal a nasty blow to the back of the head. Most churches also contain heavy Bibles, and these are essentially blunt instruments which can cause life-threatening wounds. Why do you think churches have candles? So that they can be lit, of course. And what to we do with a lighted candle? Why, stuff it, flame first into your neighbour's ear. Or mouth. C'mon man!
This is me, Eccles
Thursday, 9 September 2021
Joe Biden explains the use of Catholic artefacts
As all my readers will know, President Joe Biden is one of the most devout Catholics who ever lived. Although it was a long time ago, he once said to a crowd: "The next Republican that tells me I'm not religious, I'm going to shove my rosary beads down their throat." We therefore rushed to interview him about the uses of other Catholic artefacts.